Just think of driving a car. You have to use controls to drive you straight when you are driving. Mainly, you use steering wheel, accelerator & breaks. There are other facilities like horn, signals, rear view mirror etc. When you are dealing with difficult people, you have to follow 3 critical steps. These are: i) stay calm ii) find help and iii) debrief.
- In heavy traffic you tend to lose your cool. Likewise, with a difficult person you have a tendency to become impatient. Don’t do that. Stay calm.
- You may try to find help. Someone who you think can guide you or act as a mediator to avoid confrontations.
- In the complex life today, it’s prudent to have a mentor. A mentor has no conflicting interests with you. All he looks for is helping you. After you have faced the difficult person with whatever results, it is useful to discuss the entire situation with your mentor.
Don’t treat your opponent as your enemy. Respect his/her dignity and the results will be good. And for that just do the following:
- Listen attentively. Let them talk and you should just listen. Often the opponents will not open their cards but when you listen attentively you may be able to discover the hidden agenda which will help you to deal with him/her. Besides, people want to be listened to. They want to talk.
- Don’t hurt their dignity. Respect their ego. When you don’t respect you opponent the situation will only go from bad to worse. This needs to be avoided so that there is no escalation of the problem.
- Don’t judge people. Try to understand than before forming you opinion about them. When you have already formed an opinion, there are chances that you will not try discovering the hidden need of the opponent. Therefore keep your mind open and do not judge.
- When the tempers run high allow opponent to calm down. Your help will soften his stubborn intentions to some extent. Besides, you cannot discuss, much less negotiate, when the tempers run high.
Respect Nature which has made all human beings individuals No two people are alike; not in their physical attributes but much less in their mental makeup. Thus, it would be a sheer folly to assume a particular method to deal with one difficult person will also work when we are dealing with another. Just like one size does not fit all, one type of response will not solve problem with another. We need to contemplate solution after clearly understanding the situation and the concerned person.
Tit for tat was an old school story. Leave it behind. It doesn’t work anymore. Times have changes dramatically and now these are changing faster than ever. So every situation needs a specific strategy suited to the occasion. Don’t return anger with anger. Intimidation is freely used and abused. More importantly if you lose your cool, you will not be able to use tact to your advantage.
Further, you must not try to justify your actions and act defensively. This may only aggravate the problem. Acting defensively will make you weaker. The best strategy is let the opponent puff out their steam. Better sense will prevail sooner than later.
Lastly don’t ever try to win an argument. As they say when you win an argument, you lose a friend.
Thanks for reading.
Speech which doesn’t influence is without any significance and is best avoided. The speech has been a subject of importance ever since the society became cultured. The great speakers were poor speakers at one time. It is a myth that speech or powerful speaking is a God-given quality. The nature of speech is dynamic and can be developed with personal efforts. The capacity and talent of great speech must be created. One needs to buckle down. It’s better to hone your speaking skills under direction of a capable coach.
Public Speaking is not a need for just for the political pioneers or motivational speakers. The capability in this ability should be produced by everybody who needs to advance and who needs to keep up his/her confidence. The idea is presently stretched out even to talking one on one or to a gathering or to your relatives.
The hidden characteristics required are:
1. Articulation: It alludes to the lucidity in discourse. One must be in a situation to express obviously whatever is there as a main priority. Syllables can be articulated accurately just with the skilled utilization of discourse organs.
2. Speech Organs: We have 5 discourse organs. These are: jaw, tongue, teeth, lips and palette. Wherever some of these are not utilized enough, lucidity is traded off.
3. Eye Contact: The speaker needs to hold the consideration of the audience/audience members. This can be accomplished by looking at the gathering of people. You should associate whether you are addressing one individual or to a huge crowd. Keeping up an eye to eye connection is vital.
4. Coordination between mind and speech: Human cerebrum thinks 10 times quicker than the discourse. Coordination between the brain and speech is of prime significance. Intermittently the speaker is at a misfortune to locate the correct word. While talking it causes bobbles amid the discourse. This occurs because of insufficient coordination. It can be accomplished with training.
Age, no bar!
It is a deception that the ability should be produced at a beginning period. Age is no bar to create convincing talking ability. Here I might want to relate a current contextual investigation.
One of my understudies (in his late 60s) said that amid his life he never could address in excess of 1 individual at once. A jeweler by calling, he resigned and gave over the business to his children. With a desire to offer back to the general public, he began a NGO. Because of his contacts, he could accumulate enough subsidizes. His commitment to the reason empowered him to do great work in his town in Gujarat. At whatever point a task would be finished he would confront the “most concerning issue in his life”. Constantly individuals would request that he say few words and that was the “most serious issue”.
In light of the aforementioned impulse, he was persuaded to take in broad daylight talking in the wake of resigning from business. A powerful urge empowered him to rehearse hard. In this manner he took an interest in different courses and now he is an expert public speaker.
Life has changed. It is moving to a great degree quick. Snail mail has been supplanted by email. Eager business pioneers need things to happen ‘yesterday’. Telecom upset and web has changed the guidelines of the diversion so far as correspondence is concerned.
Four Possibilities of Communication:
Presently let us look at four conceivable blends of talking and tuning in. This will empower us to comprehend what correspondence can do to our lives and to our association.
Possibility No 1: Effective talking however poor tuning in.
In the event that this is the pioneer’s qualities the outcomes could be as under:
It will build your core interest. You may have produced great devotees and great fighters. Be that as it may, the potential pioneers will take off. There will be for all intents and purposes no development. Feelings of anxiety will likewise be increments.
Probability No 2: Effective talking and undivided attention.
This is the ideal blend for the Leader. The focal point of the pioneer and of the association will stay in the front line. Things will happen quickly. Devotion of representatives will increment. Utilization of brain and capacity to appreciate the work will acquire more leaps forward, more advancement. Individuals will work together with each other and furthermore contend with each other. The best will bloom with the pioneer’s powerful discourse and undivided attention. An environment of maintainable initiative will win.
Possibility No. 3: Poor talking however undivided attention.
It will add up to absence of core interest. Additionally, exercise in futility and cash. There will be pushed on administration by boards of trustees. Individuals may get the feeling that anything goes.
In the interim, undivided attention will likewise bring about positives. The worker will turn out to be more self-communicated. Use of brain by them will increment. There would be more noteworthy advancement.
Plausibility No. 4: Poor talking and poor tuning in.
It will be only moderate demise. The demise of material factories can be credited to this disorder. Misjudging, clashes will run, and openings will be remembered fondly. There would be a high rate of wearing down. Separation will bring about fracture lastly elimination.
Simply scrutinizing the above conceivable outcomes would shake us from our sleep. The significance of correspondence will then be completely figured it out. In this way, I will manage the two parts of correspondence – great talking and great tuning in.
Great or Effective Speaking:
As a matter of first importance, it is necessary to have solid substance. Content is the King. Viable correspondence considers more than some other part of administration or even life. Content means space learning. You can’t trick individuals with shallow contemplations, substantially less awe them. A ton of diligent work goes into procuring learning. The most serious issue is seen when you have beneficial learning yet you can’t utilize it further bolstering your good fortune because of the absence of compelling discourse. Your appearance stays debilitated. Individuals would scarcely realize that you are a storage facility of valuable data.
At that point, what would it be a good idea for you to do? Turn into a decent speaker. Practice the craftsmanship and exploration of talking obviously, unhesitatingly and convincingly.
How would you talk unmistakably? You should comprehend that discourse is the aftereffect of choice to convey. In the first place thought clears up the thought you need to extend to the audience or to a gathering of audience members. At that point the mind sends a flag to the lungs and some breath is discharged. Breath strikes the vocal harmonies to deliver sound. However, the words are made by the discourse organs. So with a specific end goal to talk unmistakably, think obviously. Develop profound breathing with the goal that the lungs have adequate breath to help the quality of your voice. This will likewise empower you to talk longer sentences without taking in the middle. The stream of discourse will empower thoughts to stream easily.
Correspondence does not mean just viable talking. Actually, it is the starting point. In any case, considerably more imperative is undivided attention. Undivided attention will realize the outcomes that you are searching for when you are speaking with somebody or a gathering of audience members. How might you impact others? By tuning in, rather than by talking. How would you discover whether you are a decent motivator to your audience or not? I give beneath a check list which is plain as day:
Don’t consider what you will state next when someone else is talking. Simply center on understanding and acclimatizing what he/she needs to state.
You must tune in with a receptive outlook. Try not to attempt to co-relate your own particular comparable experience when somebody is relating a story in help of his contention. You propensity to assess ought to be given an interruption. Never be judgmental, as it’s been said.
When you are tuning in, endeavor to reproduce rationally what the other individual is stating unbiased.
Try to see things from the speaker’s perspective. Understand be merciful while tuning in.
Try to reveal the plan of the speaker. All speakers may not be laconic. Their verbosity may require some additional your part to comprehend the goal. Endeavor.
Think what comes about you can deliver through listening instead of through talking. In the event that you need to impact individuals, you will be flabbergasted to watch how listening proves to be useful.
Listen a moment longer than it is agreeable. That additional moment will give you additional info. Regardless, you are having a discourse for understanding the other’s perspective.
Last yet not the slightest, you should recall that your expressions of counsel will be viewed as baseless clamor. Never give a guidance unless requested. On the off chance that you are not persuaded and the circumstance requests that you should express your perspectives, do that idiom – we settle on a truce!
Think before you talk:
Older folks used to state that straightforward old ‘idioms’ can control you to carry on with a fruitful life. One such saying in Hindi is “Pehle Tol Phir Bol”.
Strict interpretation in English would be “First measure at that point talk”.
Strict English interpretation is somewhat unbalanced and does not pass on the plan. “Think before you talk” as well, as indicated by me doesn’t convey a similar importance and is fairly ineffectual. “Before talking a couple of words one must think about the impacts and their future effect” seems to pass on the idea behind the same, however it doesn’t appear to convey conviction.
Why there is such a great amount of significance of ‘considering’ or reflecting before talking? What number of us is extremely following this straightforward standard? It is said that the tongue which is the main organ of discourse mends greatly quick. In any case, the injuries that it can make in the brain of the audience at times never recuperate.
Discourse Blemishes that Wreck Confidence
Discourse was never as essential as it is currently. Today, it’s vital that business pioneers must have the capacity to talk plainly and viably. There are various discourse imperfections which cause shame while making introductions. Now and again an official in a critical discussion gets himself/herself not exactly ‘up to the stamp’. This is best stayed away from. I list underneath 7 of the imperfections which should be tended to.
Lack of lucidity in discourse: Often times we find that the discourse of a man isn’t as eloquent as it ought to be. At some point they talk too quick; in some cases they murmur a few words in a sentence. Despite the fact that general message is imparted however clarity becomes a missing virtue.
Thanks for reading.
Pages from my forthcoming book, ‘PowerPacked Personality’ for Your FREE reading!
Here are some more pages continued from where we left…..
Last week we had talked about the first step to realize your dream is to write down your specific goals. When you become very clear about your goal which will help you to realize your dreams, you have to work out a plan of action for realizing each of your specific goals. Here are some further pages which I hope you will need to understand and make suitable efforts. We have to always remember that anything significant cannot be achieved without consistent hard work. Perseverance is the key to climbing up. Leader of success is steep and difficult, but the rewards merit all.
Implementing your goals
- Why do you set your goals? Let’s consider this basic question. The simple answer is that you are not happy with your present status and you want to improve. Now let’s consider who is responsible for your present status? Your circumstances, influence of your parents, teachers, friends, relatives, neighbor and all those who have been interacting with you. They have influenced you mind which in turn has influenced your actions and behavior. Over the years you have formed some habits. Triggered by your habits, you continue to do the same things over and over again. Your relationships with others remain the same. Nothing changes. Therefore you don’t own what you want; you don’t garner respect from others. Life is drudgery. Nothing to look forward to. You accept that this reality and you have to live with it. And then, you write down your goals. These could be about health, career, finance, family, hobby and even spirituality.
- Once we understand that you background and habits have brought you to a situation which you are not happy with, you need to do whatever it takes to change these influences and most importantly change your habits. You may not be able to change company of everyone around you, but you can choose to divide your time according to your choice.
Implement Goals Quotes:
- People will always have an opinion, but you have to live life the way you want to. It’s very easy to tell others what to do, but difficult to implement it on yourself.
- Set some goals. Stay quiet about them. Smash the hell out of them. Clap for your damn self.
- Success is steady progress toward one’s personal goals. (Jim Rohn)
- You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.
- When a planner speaks of implementing goals rationally, he implies that it is possible to demonstrate logically and experimentally the relationship between the proposed means and the ends they are intended to further. (Alan A. Altshuler)
- In real life, strategy is actually very straightforward. You pick a general direction and implement like hell. (Jack Welch Winning)
To be connected with earlier chapter.
In life it is necessary to have some beliefs. That does not mean that you need to follow any dogma or belief forced on you. You can pick your own beliefs with discretion. First, let us understand what is self-belief. What are the qualities that it inherits? Self belief is an invaluable virtue which brings great possibilities in your life. Its indications are that you:
- Stop making any excuses for any reason what-so-ever.
- Do not indulge in any negative thought.
- Stop thinking that difficulties surround you alone. You do not jump to conclusion and take hasty actions. You express your fears to others without any hesitation, because you keep in mind that everyone has some fears.
- You stop procrastinating because that is indicative of your lack of confidence.
- Stop pursing perfection. Perfection is never achieved. It only stops you from moving ahead.
Once you develop self belief and you observe that you confirm to all what has been said above, you will find the following eight advantages coming to you smoothly and seamlessly.
- Self-belief enables you to hold strong conviction. All things do not happen the way you have planned or the way you expect. But strong conviction will help you to move ahead without fear of failure.
- Self belief also helps you develop optimistic attitude which is necessary today in the wake of fast changing world. Life is becoming extremely competitive. Any opportunity missed once may never come back again. But if you have a negative attitude you will not be able to catch the fleeting possibilities.
- Your self-belief also makes you more reliable to others.Thus you tend to build up better relations with others. Your credibility is not question. Since people can trust you they vie for good relations with you. Needless to say that for any significant project you need help from others.
- Self-belief also helps you to be focused and self motivated. You no longer take life as it comes. You don’t depend on unknown sources to bring you luck. You carve your own destiny. Self motivation helps you to maintain enthusiasm and interest in life.
- Your risk taking ability improves if you start relying on yourself. It is said that there are no gains if there are no risks. Your conviction helps you to take calculated risks in meeting the challenges of life. The tendency to avoid and escape facing challenging situation reduces substantially. You start realizing that difficulties form a necessary part of life.
- Further, self-belief enables you to give and receive constructive criticism with an open mind. In the current scenario exchange of ideas and views are extremely important. The autocratic leader is not acceptable any more. So if you want to progress you have to collaborate with others from your own organization or outside outfits.
- Self-belief helps you to be more assertive. You start caring for yourself more than pleasing others. Someone said that he doesn’t know any formula of how to succeed. The sure short formula for success has never been discovered. But there is a firm unbeatable formula for failure and that is trying to please everyone. Your self-belief will not allow you to embark on the journey of securing approvals where these are not mandatory.
- Last but not the least, you start working on improving your self respect. You realize that if you do not respect yourself, others will follow suit. When you’re in need to raise self esteem, you become more effective and you become more productive. Now, you start managing your time very effectively as any improper or inadequate use of your time will hurt your self-esteem.
Personal Productivity and its review constitute are essential ingriedients in the implementation and achievement of personal goals. But what is personal productivity? Does it mean how we manage our time? The answer is yes and no. Yes, time is an important aspect of personal productivity. Rather, it could be so provided your activities are aligned with your goals. And yet it is a lot more. Does it mean one’s achievement towards realization of personal goals? Not just that! Personal goals may change. Personal vision may change. And if one may say so personal mission statement if one ever cares to establish that – that also may change.
When we talk of mission statement or vision or an organization, that hardly ever changes. But when we are talking of an individual, the factors that affect a person’s likes and dislikes, desires, drastically change with changing circumstances, or even without these.
The most important factor for a person’s success is his/her personal productivity. As we growwe realize that it is not just money, not just health, not just family, or your social status, hobbies etc., that bring you happiness, but it is a combination of all these in varying proportions. So what we need to do is to align all our activities to achieve whatever we want in the aforesaid different fields.
Therefore a daily review of what you do becomes very important. In the highly competitive world we have today, the targets that the organizations set for you are hard ones. These sap your energy and rob you of the power and ability to think what you must do. You only start following sometimes even unachievable targets. In the process, you totally destroy you concept of personal productivity.
Hence, what is really needed is to have the right balance and proper perspective towards life. It is only such a healthy attitude that strikes a right balance between family and friends, home and work, health and money that will lead to a truly happy and successful life.
Self Development is a very important aspect of the human being.
In today’s life the modern man finds himself trapped in a concrete jungle, living a rat race. This is a life full of stress, tensions and anxieties to be the star performer at the workplace, and to be perceived as an ideal son, husband and father at home.
In this continuing madness, he tends to loose his sense of self and finds himsel loosing control over his live, powerless as he is to take corrective and remedial action. Such inability to do what is right and bring things back on track is largely caused by the lack of realization of what is wrong and what needs to be done.
The answer to this problem is Self Development.
But what is self development? As the term suggested it is bringing about all round improvement in one’s own self. A plain dictionary meaning of the term by itself would bring cold comfort to someone who really needs self development.
We therefore need to understand what self-development is by understanding what it implies. Self development can be best understood by examining its components. These are enumerated one by one:
- Self awareness
- Self knowledge
- Self potential
- Health – physical and psychological
- Social status
- Social relations
Let us look at each of these aspects in greater detail:
Self awareness: What is self awareness?
Self awareness is the understanding of where one finds himself. What does he considers as his duty every moment of the day? How is he supposed to utilize each waking moment of his time? What should he say? How and to whom? A high sense of self awareness is seen in person who is proactive in thought, alert in mind and body and energetic in action. Such is person stays ahead in every situation.
Self knowledge flows from self awareness. Self knowledge enables a person to truly understand himself – his role and contribution to society. Self knowledge is also a self appraisal of the strengths and weaknesses of the personality and character on an ongoing basis. Self knowledge is also the knowledge of the inner universe of an individual – the knowledge of which is vital to successfully navigate the outer universe.
Communication is the vehicle for building social relations. This was true in the days when technology and internet did not exist; but is has become even more true today when we are living in a deeply interconnected world. Communication has various aspects these are:
- Thoughts and Ideas:Communication originates in the mind in the form of a thought which is translated into an idea to be expressed. A creative mind is fertile ground for positive expression, whereas a negative mind is minefield of hate filled negative communication.
- Voice & Speech:The voice represents the emotion and the level of self confidence of the individual. The speech represents the spoken words manifested by the eloquence or lack of it in expressing the ideas of the mind.
Morale, Self-confidence & Self Esteem:
What is morale? A high morale refers to a very positive state of mind of a person which is ever challenged into seeking increasing difficult tasks to achieve. Low morale represents the opposite where all round pessimism pervades; and where procrastination and dreariness are the norm.
An individual’s morale depends upon his self-confidence. The self-confidence in turn depends upon the self-esteem of the individual. A person with low sense of self esteem has little self-confidence to do the simplest of tasks, while claiming both ownership and responsibility for the same. On the other hand a person with a high sense of self esteem always lunges forward, taking bold and calculated risks. Such a person always stretches himself in a quest to continuously improve his productivity, and sense of self fulfillment in his life and in his work.
Gone are the days when a person could take up a secure career in a government job and work until his retirement doing pretty much the same work. Today, career development has become very important in today’s very fast changing and dynamic world. This implies staying relevant with the changing times by adapting one’s skills and abilities to meet the changing requirements of society and the work place.
Each one of us has a latent, immense and untapped potential which sadly few of us achieve. The main reason for remaining underachievers is equally to lack of self belief in our potential as also the knowledge that such a potential even exists. Self development really starts where we become aware of our immense potential and start taking positive steps to tap it and creatively utilize it.
Health has two aspects – physical and psychological. Good health commonly is commonly understood only as a state where the body remain free from ailments. There is general ignorance about the impact of an healthy mind (free of negative thoughts and emotions) on the physical health of an individual. It is often said a fit mind in a fit body. However, the reverse is equally true – a fit mind ensures that the body remains fit and free from many ‘lifestyle’ diseases.
Development of the social status refers to the upward move of individual on the social ladder. The craving for a high social status is considered the highest of the famous Manslow’s personal self actualization hierarchy. A high social status represents his desire for self actualization. Maslow describes this level as the desire to accomplish everything that one can, to become the most that one can be.
Social relations determine the social status of a person. At the same time the person’s social status also determines his social relations. Development of the ability to develop social relations gives an individual the power to increase his ever widening circle of social contacts. This in turn enhances his power, his prestige, sense of self worth and most importantly his social status.
Personality Development seems to be the buzz word these days. While everyone likes to talk about it, few seem to truly understand. Development of one’s personality is more than adherence to a mere set of guidelines to be followed in terms of dos and don’ts. Personality has several important components that need to be understood and developed. These include:
- Posture: An erect posture signifies confidence, a positive forthright attitude, and a fit body that consciously receives large amount s of life giving oxygen into the lungs.
- Body Language: This represents the non verbal communication that translates and conveys more than 80% of the message and is often more important than the spoken words.
- Thoughts and self belief: Each individual creates his own universe through self-belief about himself and thoughts about others. Such thoughts and self beliefs either fashion a mind full of prejudice, hate and envy at the negative level or love, empathy and positivity on the other.
- Attitude: It is said our attitude determines our altitude. Development of the attitude involves moving away from being negative about persons, and events and seeing some good in everything perceived as bad.
The above stated aspects of self development are by no means an exhaustive list of what one must do for oneself. At the same, these are not water tight compartments that need to be looked in isolation. Often development of a single area can have greater than proportionate effect in other areas. So what one essentially needs to do it to focus and try to better understand each and consciously inculcate the habit to bring about self improvements howsoever small for the overall objective of self development.
Each of these areas will be covered in detail in forthcoming presentations. Thanks for reading.