Pretending: Good, Bad & Ugly

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Everyone at some point must have come across pretending. What’s pretending?? Pretending is behaving to be who we want people to think we are. While pretending, we hide our original personality and stage the artificial person in front of people to please or impress them. Below are the facts on pretending which can help you know more about the dos and don’ts of pretending.
Actions speak 
Actions express somebody’s personality. Yes, it’s true and words often show who the person pretends to be. Don’t believe in somebody’s words, try to analyze and see through their actions because actions and conduct tell the truth which words don’t. Therefore, if you want to find out if someone is pretending read their actions closely and carefully that will show if the person is for real or reel.
Pretending can be Good. It can be Bad. But it can also be Ugly. Let’s examine some situations to know about it.
Good
Pretending isn’t all about negativity
Pretending doesn’t always possess negativity it also owns certain positive aspects. For example, pretending to be happy when you’re in pain is just an example of how strong you’re as a person. There’s also a moral from this example. Never show your pain because not many people will share your pain, instead they will celebrate for your pain.
Smile instead of sympathizing
Sometimes the best solution is to smile and move on with your day. That sympathizing feeling on your face isn’t going to help you. Hold back your tears and pretend that everything is well and good because others will feel happy seeing you smiling and cheerful and there may be opposite reactions to be ready for it.
Bad
Accept your mistakes
One of the biggest flaws committed by many is pretending to be blind to their own mistakes. Never ignore your mistakes at the same time never try to overlook your mistakes too. Stop pretending like you’re an angel everybody commit mistakes and therefore never underestimate your capabilities just because you have committed a mistake. On the other side don’t pretend to be deaf towards others mistakes because that will lead you into greater losses.
Don’t lose your real personality
Be careful who you pretend to be because in the process of pretending you might lose your own identity. It’s never ever good to forget who you are and isn’t appreciable too. Always recollect where you are, what you are because only these things will boost your self-awareness which would take you places. If you pretend to be somebody else and not yourself, finally it’s going to take you nowhere.
Don’t accept things as they appear
Many people pretend to like you. At times even you might have joined the crowd for a good cause or for a bad cause. As people pretend to like you, all of a sudden you will start pouring out all your joy and care for those people who aren’t worthy of. Actually, doing so shows your foolishness because such kind of people doesn’t deserve your care and concern.
Ugly
Here are some situations when pretending turns ugly. There could be many more.

  1. A vehicle has hit someone who is bleeding on the good, you pan by pretending you have not
  2. A woman is being beaten by a man, you see if and pretend you haven’t and more on.
  3. A friend who is serious needs financial help from you, but you pretend you do not have money.

Some suggestions

  •       Express your originality : Stop pretending for a while and express how you really feel towards someone. It can be a positive or a negative feeling but express it with utmost honesty. However, after the revelation observe how the relationship continues to sail.
  •       Avoid pretending unless when ‘Good’ : Live without pretending, love without depending, listen without defending, and speak without offending. There’s lots of wisdom in this quote. Live your own life with joy, don’t pretend or fake yourself to impress others. Love without any expectation, listen with peace, understand and then analyze. Use your tongue with caution because that’s the most dangerous weapon in the world that can pierce and hurt a person more than a bullet. Hence, stop offending others with your words.
  •        Live your life : Finally, live yourself and set your own identity. Yes, you need that skill to find out people who are pretending to be your beloveds but getting them erased of your life wouldn’t make a greater difference. Instead invest your time in finding the real people who understand and are really impressed with your originality.       Pretending isn’t an issue when not practiced always!!
  •        Never carry forward situations : Life is a handful of short stories pretending to be a novel. Yes, all situations are detached. When the situation takes place the matter comes to an end, it isn’t supposed to be carried forward and never get stuck to the situation. If it had left a lesson behind take the lesson and move forward.

Thanks for reading. Your comments will be highly appreciated.

Why Settle for ‘Less’ when you can ‘Achieve’ More?

Personal development personal and career growth progress and potential concepts. Coach (human resources officer supervisor) motivate employee to growth.
Situation 1:-
An “X “employee gets the promotion while a “Y” employee doesn’t!
Situation 2:-
“ABC” salesman could reach the given target in the particular time while the other “KYC” couldn’t and hence is fired from the organization.
Clearly, the difference between the two is their ‘Effectiveness’!
In today’s competitive world, the word “Personal Effectiveness has got an immense importance, and why not? Today’s work environment is very demanding and to be successful means grooming yourself and honing with the skill of being effective. Personal effectiveness is not restricted to the corporate environment. Productivity is important and can be applied well to all other walks of life. May be also the be kitchen work , gym work out or anything else carried out by you.
What is this technique and how to imbibe it?
Well, let us discuss in detail what is personal effectiveness after all?
Peter Drucker quotes:-
Efficiency is doing things right, Effectiveness is doing the right things.
Self explanatory as it is personal effectiveness of a person can be calculated by two parameters. It not only measures the result against time but also gauges the quality of work. Quality and quantity, both are important. Thus, effective people are those who can achieve more quality work in less time. While doing so they are not stressed, or confused as if they are working under pressure. Neither do they lose their physical health nor do they lose their mental or emotional one. These people are consistent and deliver results constantly.
Andre Maurois says The effectiveness of work increases according to geometric Progression, if there are no interruptions.
So let us take a look at how do you achieve personal effectiveness. Personal effectiveness is the art which helps in self development. You need to observe and practice the seven important rules to achieve the same.
Rule 1:-
Thoroughly understand what you want to do
When you start doing a certain work do start in haste .” Well begun is half done”- Isn’t it? And that is why it is required to thoroughly understand the task which you are supposed to begin. Read through or just mind walk through the process. You may encounter some grey areas which can be dealt with by exploring more from the umpteen books and also the internet. Information can be extracted from various sources if not available readily! Isn’t this process more sensible than starting the project in a hurry and then stumbling across something which you are clueless about? This is one of the principles to work your way straight to personal effectiveness. It reduces the time in which the work is done and also improves the quality of the work.
Rule 2:-
Focus on your work.
It is easier said than done! But you need to starve all the distractions that come in your way and you need to feed your focus. The art lies in not digressing from the objective in any way. Focus means to continuously put your attention on something and forget the rest of the world. When handling something of critical importance, lock yourself in where no one can disturb you. Once you start on focusing on what you want to achieve, every other stuff should appear meaningless. Focus empowers and teaches you a lot. If you love your job, this love will add to your focus. One has to decide to be focused until it becomes a habit. And eventually the end result is qualitative work in less time.
Rule 3:
Self belief
Undeterred faith in youself  is a sure way to personal effectiveness. Unless you believe in yourself how can you make the world believe you. Doubtful mindset spoils the results. You should have a constant strong belief in yourself and your capabilities. Best possible results often are delivered when you keep reinforcing that YOU CAN DO IT !
Rule 4:
Expect the unexpected
Life is never a straight line. Everyone has their own ups and downs. All of us have roughs and crests. But the art to lead personally effective life is to be least disrupted due to unexpected events. You can have a plan. But rarely do plans get executed in the same way as planned. You should be proactive enough to foresee any interrupting event and should have an alternative plan which would work without any hassles. Personally effective people are prepared to handle any situation with great ease.
Rule 5:-
Application of mind which is always necessary.
Mind is the biggest weapon. Human beings are armed with it and must use it for improving on the battle of being competitive. Many great feats are best performed when mind is applied to those. Never take for granted even small objectives. Once you apply mind to a particular problem, you will definitely find a solution. The more you apply your mind to something that you love it becomes more effective .
Rule 6:-
Put your mind and soul into the work
When you dedicate totally and put your mind and soul into an objective, you start enjoying the work. When you do the same you leverage on opportunities .The lessons learnt through various experiences in life could also be put to use to be personally effective.
Rule 7:-
Stretch yourself a bit
Nothing worthwhile can be achieved by shortcuts. You should be eager to move an extra mile Then only better things can happen.
It is often said that if you wish to achieve something you havent you need to do something you have not! That is where you can get different results by putting yourself to a task little more than yesterday. Your objective should not be competing with others, but improving your own self . Continuously improving the work that you do and following the other 6 rules is the way to sure ‘personal effectiveness’
Thanks for reading. Wishing you all the best in the New Year.
Your comments are welcome and will be highly appreciated!
Thanks for reading.
 

Ignoring as an alternative to Brawl!

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Many a times we face situations when we are being ignored by people for whom we care. Likewise, it may happen the other way round. Let’s look at the various possibilities of you ignoring someone or being ignored. There could be many possibilities and different situations. Sometimes, it is not bad, while most of the times ignoring or being ignored badly hurts. In any case, it’s necessary not to ignore such situations. We must contemplate, analyze and then take necessary action. Some of the circumstances are as below:

  1. You ignore someone – Reason?
  2. Someone ignores you – Reason?
  3. When ignoring is the best way to handle problematic situation?
  4. Problems between husband and wife.
  5. Bullies it the work place or in society.
  • Silence can be a person’s loudest cry. You know you have really hurt someone when they start ignoring you. It is worse than saying anything bad to you and is even worse than rebuking you. In other words, the feeling of being ignored is extremely disturbing.
  • When you are ignoring someone continuously, you are teaching him/her to live without you which is bad as you are creating a gap between yourself and the person whom you are ignoring, this may never be filled.
  • If anybody is ignored, it is very difficult for him/her to compromise with that idea. They will always wish that they could ignore the fact that they are being ignored.
  • A person may get a feeling of rather being said that they don’t like him/her instead of being ignored. Thus, one must never ignore anybody as it is very damaging and a worse feeling for the person who is being ignored.
  • Sometimes you ignore people not because you are mad at them but it may mean that they are not really important and worth your time. This is totally another way of thinking and worth resorting to at times. If you want to break a relationship, you start ignoring a person by all means which is needed depending on person to person and the situation.
  • You must let go those people who are ignoring you and your presence because you are not worth their time. But when someone is continuously ignoring you, it is better to forget about him/her.
  • Some people hurt you by words, some by their actions and some people hurt you by being silent. One gets hurt the maximum when someone ignores him/her even after they value that person the most. If you care for somebody and that person ignores you, is the worse feeling and one gets hurt the maximum due to this and is unable to tolerate the fact of being ignored.
  • When a person is ignored, he/she will start thinking that he wish he could ignore the person in return. Yet it may be very difficult.
  • Ignoring the signs is a good way to end up at the wrong destination. This means that if someone shows you the signs of being ignored by him/her, you should be prepared that you are in for a surprise and for something which you probably never wanted. Thus, it is said that ignoring the signs is a best way to end up at the wrong destination. If you ignore the milestones, it is not going to help you as you don’t know where you are going or heading to.
  • One example which comes to mind is totally different. Robert Browning’s saying in one of his poems highlights optimism. It goes “Take back the hope you gave, I claim, only a memory of the same”. Thus, you can ignore someone but can never change the memories that person brought into your life.
  • If someone is ignoring you, the best thing to do it to end the relationship and not to disturb them again .If you continue to approach that person and if he/she continues to ignore you then you should never go back to them as you are ultimately hurting yourself which should be realized as soon as possible.

Thanks for reading.

Your first duty is to ‘Yourself’

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Ability to say no and not to say yes when you want to say no
Being assertive is defined as the ability to stand up for your own rights in a calm and positive way without being aggressive or submissive, accepting the wrong. There are many situations in our life that will want us to stand up for ourselves. Our duty to self should never be compromised for the happiness and satisfaction of others. We have to ensure that there arises no situation where we concede to others and later regret for our act. In today’s time , we would be crushed upon if we don’t stand up for ourselves.
Saying ‘No’ to someone is always considered to be rude behavior especially in our country. We feel that it is our duty to fulfill the requirements of our friends, relatives and any other acquaintances even if we have to forgo our comfort or routine. But this so called generosity and humility is laughed upon nowadays. It is high time we change our perception of helping others before helping ourselves.
When you take more care of others than yourself, you should not be called generous but foolish.

Indian culture and tradition were formed centuries ago when everyone was soft and straight minded. More than anything else, there was a sense of truth and virtue in their behavior. But, today the scenario has changed and people have no more time to ponder about the generosity and kindness we possess. All they care about is to get their work done as quickly and as easily possible. People have no time to appreciate our generosity but they all are ready to step on us and get their things done effortlessly. . So the most intelligent thing to do to survive in today’s world is to step out of the so called good shoes and take care of ourselves before we get into helping others.
Ones first duty is oneself
Love yourself and respect yourself is something that everyone keeps insisting on, but we should realize that it is one of our primary duty to take good care of ourselves. Nothing wrong should happen to us. We should always stand by our necessities and requirements before heading off to favour the people around us. It is not a justifiable act to put others needs before ours and in turn suffer because of it. This is not an act of selfishness but of good sense. We are not denying helping anyone in spite of being able to in a comfortable way but we just place our comfort and happiness first.
Assertiveness trains you how to say No diplomatically, without offending anyone.

The core idea of assertiveness is to say no to things you don’t support in a firm yet polite manner. Saying ‘No’ becomes a very tough thing only because it usually comes across as harsh and sharp. We have to learn the art of saying ‘No’ to things diplomatically and in such a manner that the other person feels that you are genuine in saying no. The entire process of opposing other’s views become simple. We should always remember to maintain a calm yet firm tone when we say ‘No’ to others. Thus, they don’t feel offended by it. But they should know that they cannot negotiate further on that issue. Similarly we should openly express the reasons behind our difficulties in helping them out as there is a high possibility that they would understand and the entire process becomes smooth. We offend a person only when we say things bluntly and on a sharp note. If we could just put the same thing in a diplomatic, polite manner and with a friendly touch then things will fall in place automatically.
Generosity should not befool us

There is only a thin line drawn between favoring someone and being fooled by them. We should make sure that we are generous enough for people to be happy about and not go around laughing at us. This is the reason we should always priorities ourselves first and then help others. If we go on helping others without caring about our wellbeing, then we will always be ladder on which others climb on to become successful. We should be in a situation where, we have nothing to lose if we help others and this will lead us to be intelligently generous.
It is essential for us to remember that overloaded generosity may add up in our book of good deeds but it certainly is not the formula for success in today’s highly competitive world.
Thanks for reading.

Courage to Continue Denotes Success

Champions team
The word success as defined in the dictionary means “ the accomplishment of an aim or purpose” . True as it is but definition of the word success changes from person to person. Every individual’s definition of success is different. And why Not? We all have different aims, objectives, goals and purpose of life. And accomplishment of those would mean SUCCESS
to each one of us. Though there is no common definition of success many successful people have presented their views on success. Let us now understand what success meant to them and how best we can add to our success from their experiences.
A writer, statesman and a leader as he was Winston Churchill who has contributed immensely to the Britain’s victory in World War II has quoted that
“Success is not final, Failure is not fatal; It is the courage to continue that counts”. Isn’t it true? Many people think that if you fail at something , it is the end of your life. The suicidal stories you hear after the academic results are declared clearly indicate people’s
attitude towards failure. The quote mentioned above re instills the value of courage to continue the effort in spite of several failures. In short, perseverance is one of the keys to success.
When one wants to achieve something one should turn deaf ears to what people say about your endeavors . Because as the quote goes,” At first they will ask why you are doing it ;But later they will ask How did you do it?
Yes, this is especially important for the people who are torch bearers. Torch bearers are people who attempt to tread the less taken path and are the first ones to do so. When you are pursuing something different and novel, skeptic people always try to ask the validity of such pursuit. Well, if you are convinced about your effort and are ready to give in your hundred percent you will be successful at it. And then the same people would ask you the ways in which you tried to achieve such an untapped feat.
Life is a mix of good and bad times. We are successful sometimes and sometimes we do fail. The most important thing in life is to “Be thankful for hard times as they have made you.” Hard times are testing times. Failures should be visualized as a lesson. I t is rightly said,” When the going gets tough, the tough gets going”! Every struggle to get successful will make you wiser and stronger.
While achieving success it is important that you put your heart , mind and soul into excelling at what you have undertaken. If needed you have to sacrifice a lot in order to achieve something great. Swami Sivananda has rightly pinpointed the secret of success. He
quotes ,” Put your heart , soul and mind into even your smallest acts”. It is also very evident that there is no shortcut to success. It is well known that there is “No elevator to success. You have to take the stairs.” Hard work in proper direction definitely yields success. ease everybody.
Success is a result of focus, hard work, learning from failure , loyalty and persistence .Indeed when you strives to excel at certain thing you are bound to be successful. When you balance your hard work with persistence and loyalty the end result will be none other than SUCCESS.
Nelson Mandela quotes” Don’t judge me by success but how many times I fell down and got back again”. If you have persevering attitude in life, nothing can stop you from being successful. Perseverance is a factor which differentiates between success and failure.
Success is , thus, relative to each individual. Unfortunately, many people don’t have goals at any time in life. Life is very short and the most important thing in life to be successful is to set some goals. What is a life without goals? People misconstrue goals to be only related to career and finances.
Well, negating that opinion you can categorize goals as:

  1. Career goals,
  2. Financial goals,
  3. Health goals,
  4. Family goals and
  5. Goals for society
  6. Hobby Goals
  7. And Spiritual Goals

You have to take charge and set goals for yourself. The priority of goals would differ from person to person. You may feel family and health goals are more important than the rest of the goals. An ambitious person may prioritize on career and financial goals. Hobby goals are the goals which are meant for yourself satisfaction. Society plays an important role in everyone’s life. You should also set some goals which will benefit the society. It is a way to give back to the society where you belong.
Maslow’s pyramid of self motivation has the self actualization need at the top of it! Spiritual goals help achieve that need of a person.
While setting up goals make sure that your goals are SMART.
SMART Goals mean
S- Specific
M-Measurable
A-Achievable
R-Realistic
T-Time bound
 Well, to achieve success be specific about what you want to achieve. The goals should have some yardstick against which you can measure your success. You should always have realistic goals and not unbelievable ones.
An example of setting a goal could be “ I want to reduce my weight by 1.5 kgs in a matter of 15 days. Once you do that you can start working over it by chalking out a plan and then executing the same.
Always check on what you have achieved against what you wanted to achieve And keep on bridging the gap, if any. When diligently persevered, success becomes a habit!!
Thanks for reading.

7 Habits of highly Effective Conversationalists

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An interesting conversation is very important business etiquette. It’s also critical for relations building.  We converse day in and day out. So we must try to think back how often we are very interesting and how often we are not. There are certain rules which we need to keep in mind to develop our good business conversation habits. These are as follows:

  1. Be present: When you are conversing with someone for fun or for business negotiation, you should be totally with him or her. You should not think about anything else; not about any past events nor any similar situations. You should only be listening to the person you are speaking to. While listening, you should be assimilating the information not to reply but to understand. In simple words first understand then only try to be understood.
  2. No opinions unless you are asked, please: Your conversation should not be just to vent out your opinions or to display that you know everything about the things that you are discussing.
    It also does not mean that you should not participate in the conversation. You a have the right to differ, but, you should be doing that with elegance, grace and poise. That can happen only if you listen and understand the other person properly.
  3. Make others talk: Ask open ended questions using what, how, where, when etc. When they answer these questions, they will be able to speak out in detail what they have in mind. They will be able to throw more light on the subject of conversation which will add to your knowledge and pat their ego. Don’t just ask questions for which the answer is ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
  4. Go with the flow: You must first listen to the person talking and if at all you have to say something different from the current topic wait until the subject changes.
    Besides, you need never be waiting for speaking out as soon as the speaker completes the sentence. In such an instance your mind will be only concerned with what you are going to speak. In the process you will not listen and you will not understand what the person just spoke.
  5. If you don’t know, say it: You should never behave like “I know everything” even when you know much. One never knows all. Thus, if you are asked something and you don’t know simply say “I am sorry, I don’t know!” There is nothing wrong in that.
  6. Don’t equate your experience with theirs: Now, if someone is sharing with you an experience and you also had a similar experience earlier, hold that back. Let the speaker enjoy telling/sharing his/her experience and then briefly only if necessary just in agreement you can say that yes this is true because you also experienced the same.
    You should never stop or rob him/her from sharing that interesting experience with you.
  7. Don’t repeat yourself: Repetition in a conversation is extremely unwelcome. People will get bored and they will definitely think that it is not worth talking to you because you keep on repeating yourself. And many people do the same. Therefore try to think, observe and ensure that you never repeat the same thing over and over again.

Thus, one must listen, be more open and while speaking, should be brief. Verbosity kills the efficacy of the idea. Always use simple language and short sentences. Short sentences means one can vary the sentences between four words to twenty words. If you are using a sentence containing 20 words, you must pause in the middle just like you give commas in a written speech and not speak in one go. Develop a sense of humour to keep the conversation light.
Thanks for reading.

All about stress

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What is stress?
Stress is not about what happens to us it’s our response towards it. But responding towards the happenings is solely our choice because happenings cannot be chosen. In simple terms, the adverse reaction of people to the excessive pressure or the types of demands placed on them is called stress.
What are the causes of stress?
People cause stress
The people in your life must be a source of reducing your stress levels not causing it. Never stress yourself with people who don’t deserve to be an issue in your life. Therefore identify the people causing stress in your life and as much as possible avoid their company.
Clutter- the enemy   
Clutter is one such thing that causes stress undoubtedly. Clutter is been described as one of the main barriers of productivity. Avoiding the clutter depends on us. If we have an ability to control clutter, it would automatically get cleansed of. So, under any circumstances never let clutter overrule oneself. Go a mile extra to see there is no clutter in your staple, wardrobe, house, mind or people around you. Follow the simple rule that “there should be place for everything and everything should be in place”.
Work causes stress
Work related stress is an international problem. Long hours of work cause stress in a person. According to the international stress management association, 70% of adults are stressed at work which translates into the loss of 13 million working days every year to stress caused in UK government.
Inability to discover real nature                 
The major stress causing element is the inability of people to discover their real nature. Hence, discover your gifts and follow them you will never feel stressed at any phase of life.
Excessive pressure
The excessive pressure or the types of demands placed on oneself causes stress. Any imbalance towards the demands that exceed the level of one’s ability causes stress.
Situations cause stress
We panic and find ourselves stressed during certain situations. Blowing something out of proportions or giving it sinister qualities that the situation doesn’t possess, anticipating the situation that is never likely to occur and not giving enough informative response about something or vice-versa causes stress.
Symptoms of stress
How do we recognize that we are under stress? You can find how stressed you are with certain physical signs, physical symptoms, mental or emotional behavior, negative thoughts etc. Have a look at the below given major symptoms of stress.
Nervous/breakdown
One of the symptoms of stress is approaching nervous, breakdown and the belief that one’s work is terribly important. Yes, things are important but our life and health are the two most important treasure of a human being. Therefore, give importance, focus upon and give your best.
Post-traumatic stress disorder
Post-traumatic stress disorder accounts for the symptoms of ADHD. This disorder causes the kids to suffer from inattentiveness, anxiety, depression and learning disorders.
Act of violence
Act of violence includes beating up your beloveds, extreme anger, harming people without any cause and lots more.
What happens when your stressed?
Our everyday worries differ from those of our ancestors. Even simple traffic jams, financial problems and other simple problems can trigger the stress levels in one’s body. In scientific terms, the response to the responsibility of body to two difficult situations or challenging situations is called stress.
Major disturbance takes place in different parts of the body due to stress namely brain, mouth, muscles, blood circulation, lungs, stomach, bladder, eyes, digestive contractions, skin, etc. many experience excessive sweating or dry mouth.
For example, when we are caught into a threat our bodies release a variety of chemical messengers and the hormones such as adrenaline, non-adrenaline and cortisol. These chemical messengers act rapidly and oxygen is pumped faster into our bodies.
Due to this, our brains and muscles receive an extreme supply of blood diverted from other areas. This physical reaction taking place internally boosts the thinking process that serves our insistence on whether to fight, or to divert or to run away from the threat.
The effects of stress
One must have a close watch on the changes and happening taking place in oneself. Recognizing the early warnings or signs of stress can help oneself get out of stress at the first stage. Below there are early warnings/effects of stress:

  • Over reacting
  • Impulsive behavior
  • Inability to concentrate
  • Irritability
  • Short temper

How to overcome stress? 
“Is stress going to help me? If not why am I stressed?” Sit back and rethink about this question. Stress has the power to ruin your relationship with family, beloveds, friends, etc. Being in stress causes depression and worries.
We can change stress of its repetition. Adopting the right attitude can convert your negative stress into a positive phase. Stress is defined as the gap between expectation and reality. More the gap, more the stress. Hence, expect nothing accept everything.
An antidote for stress is self-expression. Express your individuality. Discover your real nature. Discover your gifts and follow them you will never feel stressed at any phase of life. Never let your power packed personality die at any circumstances.
“Today I refuse to stress myself about anything. I desire to live my life without stress and without worries. I don’t desire to be world famous. I just want to be happy.” Live your life with this simple thought and you will have a stress-free life thereafter.
Being in stress or otherwise is a self-made choice!!
Thanks for reading.

Taste your words before you spit them out

Anger
Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong. … It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems. But excessive anger can cause problems – American Psychological Association
 The definition of anger changes from country to country, while in America, it is a way to express negative feelings, in India, as the culture goes, it is always advised to avoid anger.
The ancient Indian wisdom believes in not getting affected by people’s actions or reactions. Among the six enemies (Shad-Ripu) of human being, anger is one of the top most one. In Indian scenario, it is told to manage anger using different techniques. One such effective technique is meditation.
The question is all people do not get angry to the same extent, it majorly depends upon person’s temperament and the factors that affect him internally. But as per Indian ethos, anger has to be avoided, if you cannot avoid anger then the mind has to be trained in order to manage or control it. Because it hurts you more than anyone else and can lead to worst situations. It can even lead to a disastrous outcome.
 “Anger is just one letter short of danger. “
If you are angry, you are likely to get into a dangerous zone. The non thinking, reacting zone is very tempting while you are angry which may cause enormous harm to body and mind.
“Sometimes I get to a point of frustration that I just become silent.” Gorgeous Glendy
Getting silent while having a turmoil inside your heart is always dangerous. A turmoil may cause mental trouble and thereby impairing the capacity to think over an issue. As long as the silence helps you analyze the situation after a bout of frustration, it is a good sign. Finding out solution after understanding and analyzing the issue behind frustration is one of the processes of anger management.
If you study history of your anger you will find that there are some similarities to the situations which make you angry. Just because you are angry doesn’t mean that you can be cruel, which applies to parents and their behavior with their children. Parental cruelty laws are so strong in United States of America that parents will never do any kind of harm to their children, in case of any harm parents can be jailed. Some laws related to parental cruelty are here in India too but their application to different scenario is very less.
Forgive people in your life, even those who are not sorry for their actions.
In your circle there may be different types of people with different temperament and different cultural understandings. Keeping these three aspects in mind, and giving enough considerations, it is easy to forgive people even if they are not sorry for their actions. The educational background of the people you are dealing with also plays an important role. The exposure which they have got to the worldly situations may make them act in certain way hurting you unnecessarily, for this you have to analyze the situation and then forgive generously. Reacting would not help, acting wisely would help.
Holding onto anger, having a grudge is going to hurt you not them. Forgiving but not forgetting the wrong doing of the concerned person may prevent you from doing similar mistakes. People don’t change and if you make them feel that you forgive their wrong doings easily, the possibility is that they may take you for granted.
In situations like this you have to be assertive. Being assertive means expressing yourself without hesitation. Also acting, not reacting angrily. It is worthwhile to keep in mind that when you react, you loose your mind, when you act you use your mind.
Make your anger so expensive that people can’t afford it, make your happiness so cheap that people can almost get it free”
Nothing should deter you or shake you, it should be very difficult for people to make you angry. But if you are happy all the time, people will come closer to you to share your happiness which is a win win situation for you.
Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.
This is one of the best ways to be alert while being in a situation which can make you angry. Always think of words which you are going to speak especially in provoking situation. The tongue has been made very strong by lord almighty, any wound on the tongue gets healed fast but the wounds tongue creates by speaking cannot be healed forever.
“You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.” – Budhdha
Your anger is an emotion, which has a very natural occurrence in your body, mind and soul. But if it stays for a longer time, it will punish you. The balance which generally exists between mind, body and soul can be totally disturbed by anger, which may prove dangerous over a course of time. So it is better to count 10 when you are angry to avoid the usage of harsh words and to avoid tossing the metal balance, at the whim of your emotion. It is foolish to expect someone suffer from your anger. As a famous saying goes,
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” – Budhdha
Never reply when you are angry, never make a promise when you are happy. Never make decision when you are sad.
If there is a situation where there is a negotiation and you get angry, just stop and say that you will come back on that point instead of speaking. This will prevent you from unnecessary stress and tension which may arise out of the discussion.
Anger is a feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
The mind thinks 10 times faster, when you are angry you speak without thinking.
Anger hurts therefore it is good to try and manage it effectively.
Analyze the reasons. Think about situations in the past when you became angry. Identify similarity of some reasons when you become angry. Understanding the bodily signs like perspiration, palpitations, throbbing headaches while being angry help you to prevent similar situations. Stop and think, think and speak, if there is a situation which is not so good, stop and think, repeat to yourself, take deep breath, slow breathing would make you feel better. All meditation techniques help ease out anger and makes you a calmer person overall. Practicing meditation is one of the prime solutions for winning over anger.
An advice:
ACT Never REACT.
When you ACT you use your mind when you REACT you loose your mind.
Thinking and Speaking is acting, avoiding reaction is always better.
If you practice this, keep on observing the situations, there would be a lot of improvement.
Remind yourself that Life is a continuous game, life is a continuous learning.
Thanks for reading.

8 Moves to Maintain Right Perspective

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Life is lived through your perspective, your perspective of life. Perspective for an artist or an architect is how the object looks in relation to other objects around. Likewise, ‘Perspective of Life’ is relative to what we see around and what we have to deal with in our normal day to day life.

  1. Never Undermine Perspective. It is said that never underestimate the power of perspective. It can change everything. Your attitude depends on your perspective of life. You may believe that there are too many ups and downs or you may view the same as the process of growth.
  2. Your Perspective Guides you about the relative importance of things. Thus, your priorities will depend on your perspective. One must keep in mind that in the environment of constant change, one may has to revisit one’s perspective often.
  3. Time is a resource which has been equally distributed to all human beings. The moment you realize the importance of time it will reflect on your perspective and accordingly you start dealing with people and situations differently.
  4. An interesting example of perspective may be attributed to the people who are very short. They have always to look up. At the same time the person who is proud and vain will tend to look down on others. So the person who is grounded will see the reality much better and will succeed in building up good relationship with the people at work place in society and at home. The proud will not.
  5. ‘We cannot change the cards we are dealt, but how we play our cards is in our hand’. Thus the life may be looked as a game of cards in which our ability and our choice to choose the right path are both very important. Many a times if you are too much concerned about something, your worry about the same may lead you to wrong decisions.
  6. Never try to give any explanations to people who do not want to understand you. People only hear what they want to hear and the best examples that you may give to such people is only waste of your time. Therefore don’t do that.
  7. An important point to maintain your right perspective is that you should never compare yourself with any other person. Comparison is odious and should always be shunned.
  8. It’s necessary not to worry because worry does not solve any problems of tomorrow, but it surely takes away your peace, today. Actually, solving problems is the significance of life. So, it’s necessary to re-training your mind to process life as it is. Problems are perceived because you find that things are not happening the way you want them to happen. Peace cannot be forced to stay with you but it can be achieved by proper understanding and with proper perspective.

 
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Eight Big Benefits of Belief (Self-Belief)

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In life it is necessary to have some beliefs. That does not mean that you need to follow any dogma or belief forced on you. You can pick your own beliefs with discretion. First, let us understand what is self-belief. What are the qualities that it inherits? Self belief is an invaluable virtue which brings great possibilities in your life. Its indications are that you:
i) Stop making any excuses for any reason what-so-ever.
ii) Do not indulge in any negative thought.
iii) Stop thinking that difficulties surround you alone. You do not jump to conclusion and take hasty actions. You express your fears to others without any hesitation, because you keep in mind that everyone has some fears.
iv) You stop procrastinating because that is indicative of your lack of confidence.
v) Stop pursing perfection. Perfection is never achieved. It only stops you from moving ahead.
Once you develop self belief and you observe that you conform to all what has been said above, you will find the following eight advantages coming to you smoothly and seamlessly.

  1. Self-belief enables you to hold strong conviction. All things do not happen the way you have planned or the way you expect. But strong conviction will help you to move ahead without fear of failure.
  2. Self belief also helps you develop optimistic attitude which is necessary today in the wake of fast changing world. Life is becoming extremely competitive. Any opportunity missed once may never come back again. But if you have a negative attitude you will not be able to catch the fleeting possibilities.
  3. Your self-belief also makes you more reliable to others. Thus you tend to build up better relations with others. Your credibility is not question. Since people can trust you they vie for good relations with you. Needless to say that for any significant project you need help from others.
  4. Self-belief also helps you to be focused and self motivated. You no longer take life as it comes. You don’t depend on unknown sources to bring you luck. You carve your own destiny. Self motivation helps you to maintain enthusiasm and interest in life.
  5. Your risk taking ability improves if you start relying on yourself. It is said that there are no gains if there are no risks. Your conviction helps you to take calculated risks in meeting the challenges of life. The tendency to avoid and escape facing challenging situation reduces substantially. You start realizing that difficulties form a necessary part of life.
  6. Further, self-belief enables you to give and receive constructive criticism with an open mind. In the current scenario exchange of ideas and views are extremely important. The autocratic leader is not acceptable any more. So if you want to progress you have to collaborate with others from your own organization or outside outfits.
  7. Self-belief helps you to be more assertive. You start caring for yourself more than pleasing others. Someone said that he doesn’t know any formula of how to succeed. The sure short formula for success has never been discovered. But there is a firm unbeatable formula for failure and that is trying to please everyone. Your self-belief will not allow you to embark on the journey of securing approvals where these are not mandatory.
  8. Last but not the least, you start working on improving your self respect. You realize that if you do not respect yourself, others will follow suit. When you’re in need to raise self esteem, you become more effective and you become more productive. Now, you start managing your time very effectively as any improper or inadequate use of your time will hurt your self-esteem.

Thanks for reading.