In spite of the law against ragging in schools and college, the problem seems to have gone unabated. Some Institutions have taken many initiatives at their level but the results are far from satisfactory. Schools in U.S.A. also suffer this problem. But the reasons there are often different. Children of different races study together. Oftentimes problems take place due to racism. Unfortunately in India too, the bullies have become rampant which results in extremely unwarranted results. Bullied students lose their confidence. Self esteem suffers to such an extent that it lasts years after such incidents have taken place.
Due to the current education system which is a continuation of the education policy by the British who wanted to breed meek white collar workers and clerks the children are not assertive. Many brilliant students who are excellent in their study find it difficult to express themselves. How to be assertive? They don’t even know.
In such a situation, the only remedy lies in encouraging professionals & academies wich have specialised in the area of personality development and other related soft skills. We have a special skills development ministry. Hard skills areas are duly covered in their various programmes. But soft skills do not feature as essentials. Needless to say that it is essential that people must have an appreciable ability to express themselves.
Hope necessary steps will be taken in this direction by the concerned authorities.
Language and speech should be a part of curriculum of all professional colleges. Good communication is an essential pillar of a developed nation. And so, it need to be recognized.
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1) An employee couldn’t submit the annual report on time. On enquiring he blamed the delay in work to the team’s noncooperation.
Many other commonplace scenarios occur in everyone’s life. And these are what we call as blame game.
So what exactly it means? Well, blaming others’ or situations for one’s own failures. This generally happens when one is not ready to take up responsibility of one’s failure because of ego or fear of criticism. Blame game means the activity by which one tries to identify the person or situation that can be made a scapegoat. In the above mentioned example the employee comfortably blamed the teammates for not co-operating with him. Sometimes the reasons are true but in most cases these are mere excuses one produces for hiding what one is incapable of doing. This makes them unsuccessful and then it becomes a habit.
Yes! Blame Game can become a habit if not consciously uprooted from one’s life!
And what does blame game indicate? The blame game is the game of timid. It comes easily to those who do not have courage to face life. Life poses several questions at various times. The people who are afraid of failures are the people who try to escape by blaming others. Life is two sided coin. It comes with the successful moments as well as failures. World hasn’t witnessed a person who hasn’t seen and experienced both. Then why to fear failure?
Winston Churchill once said,” Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm”!
Blame game is the worst played game which comes due to the following reasons:
1) Lack of courage: People who lack courage fear to face failures. They don’t want to take charge of something that they failed in. They want to shrug off the responsibility of failure and thus, they find an excuse for the failure. They blame the circumstances, the situations and many times other people who are involved in the project with them.
As the saying goes, “An inefficient workman always blames his tools”!
These gamers find excuses which would make them less responsible of the failure.
Certainly, the example quoted above is that of a blame game instead of an excuse. If people were not co-operating the employee could have arranged for a meet to discuss the issues!
People with courage often stand up for their failures. They analyze what went wrong in their efforts and if at all it is their mistake they accept it wholeheartedly. They are bold enough to accept their mistakes and learn from those for future projects. They firmly believe in the philosophy that “ In order to succeed in life you must first be willing to experience failure”!
2) Lack of Discipline: “The more disciplined you become, the easier life gets”!
Discipline is a must to succeed in life. If one doesn’t possess this virtue, he tends to play blame game when he fails. When one starts a project or a task one should be good at estimating the time it will take to complete the project. One needs lot of persistent efforts to finish the work in particular time.
Indiscipline interferes with the persistency of efforts and causes missing links which may not be connected again or may take longer to connect. This leads to loose ends and yes failure! One has to inculcate the habit of discipline in order to stop the worst game of blame game.
Discipline after all is knowing what needs to be done and doing the same when you actually don’t want to do it!
3) Procrastination: “Procrastination is like a credit card- It is fun until you get the bill”
And the price of procrastination is quite huge. Don’t put it off to tomorrow what you can do it today. People who like to blame others and situations for their failure are the ones who procrastinate the most. The tendency to avoid difficult work is the one which leads to procrastination of work. One needs to apply mind to difficult tasks at hand. One needs to manage time well, by prioritizing the activities one has. “Project prioritization matrix- Eisenhower matrix “ is a tool which can help anyone keep the track of importance of any activity based on its urgency. Once an activity gets delayed one may get entangled with other routine activity or countering an urgent task.
These are some of the reasons why one takes the rescue of blame game. One needs to change oneself and inculcate power of good habits. Habits change when one continuously works on them. It takes time but the self esteem it builds is totally worth it.
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In life it is necessary to have some beliefs. That does not mean that you need to follow any dogma or belief forced on you. You can pick your own beliefs with discretion. First, let us understand what is self-belief. What are the qualities that it inherits? Self belief is an invaluable virtue which brings great possibilities in your life. Its indications are that you:
i) Stop making any excuses for any reason what-so-ever.
ii) Do not indulge in any negative thought.
iii) Stop thinking that difficulties surround you alone. You do not jump to conclusion and take hasty actions. You express your fears to others without any hesitation, because you keep in mind that everyone has some fears.
iv) You stop procrastinating because that is indicative of your lack of confidence.
v) Stop pursing perfection. Perfection is never achieved. It only stops you from moving ahead.
Once you develop self belief and you observe that you conform to all what has been said above, you will find the following eight advantages coming to you smoothly and seamlessly.
- Self-belief enables you to hold strong conviction. All things do not happen the way you have planned or the way you expect. But strong conviction will help you to move ahead without fear of failure.
- Self belief also helps you develop optimistic attitude which is necessary today in the wake of fast changing world. Life is becoming extremely competitive. Any opportunity missed once may never come back again. But if you have a negative attitude you will not be able to catch the fleeting possibilities.
- Your self-belief also makes you more reliable to others. Thus you tend to build up better relations with others. Your credibility is not question. Since people can trust you they vie for good relations with you. Needless to say that for any significant project you need help from others.
- Self-belief also helps you to be focused and self motivated. You no longer take life as it comes. You don’t depend on unknown sources to bring you luck. You carve your own destiny. Self motivation helps you to maintain enthusiasm and interest in life.
- Your risk taking ability improves if you start relying on yourself. It is said that there are no gains if there are no risks. Your conviction helps you to take calculated risks in meeting the challenges of life. The tendency to avoid and escape facing challenging situation reduces substantially. You start realizing that difficulties form a necessary part of life.
- Further, self-belief enables you to give and receive constructive criticism with an open mind. In the current scenario exchange of ideas and views are extremely important. The autocratic leader is not acceptable any more. So if you want to progress you have to collaborate with others from your own organization or outside outfits.
- Self-belief helps you to be more assertive. You start caring for yourself more than pleasing others. Someone said that he doesn’t know any formula of how to succeed. The sure short formula for success has never been discovered. But there is a firm unbeatable formula for failure and that is trying to please everyone. Your self-belief will not allow you to embark on the journey of securing approvals where these are not mandatory.
- Last but not the least, you start working on improving your self respect. You realize that if you do not respect yourself, others will follow suit. When you’re in need to raise self esteem, you become more effective and you become more productive. Now, you start managing your time very effectively as any improper or inadequate use of your time will hurt your self-esteem.
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Personality comprises understanding self, fixing one’s goals, physical and mental health and various other facets of the person as seen by himself/herself and as seen by others. Indeed, understanding personality is not easy. But it is extremely important. It is important for your success. More importantly it helps you to achieve happiness.
Each one of us must sit down and contemplate about life’s significance. It’s a kind of vision statement which one must clarify to himself/herself. The act of contemplation on significance will always help you to adopt and maintain a proper prospective.
Specifying Your Goals
By and large everyone has wishes. But these are not specific desires. Wishes become desire only when you specify your goals. Wishes do not allowed you to focus and take actions needed for achievements. These wishes often times remain wishes. Further unrealized wishes erode self esteem. It is imperative therefore to write down clearly on your goals. Goals would state the time frame goals should also clarify how you plan to achieve. Its only when you make a practical plan that you can pursue your goals.
Physical and Mental Health
First on the list of your goals should be good health. One can achieve physically good health by taking care of food, exercise and sleep. Human body is made to last for about 100 years. So we need to use all the faculties with discretion. We must not over use, under-use, but strike a good balance and keep on becoming more effective. Mental health is even more important. It refers to your thoughts, your behavior and your attitude towards others. It also refers to your attitude towards life.
Good Communication Skills are Critical
We all communicate right from the time we are able to speak. In fact babies start communicating immediately after birth. As we grow the social considerations keep on shaping our communication skills. Besides the influence of people around, parents, teachers, friends and others we meet also create an impact. We can develop and maintain good communication skills only with regular review of our ability regarding communications.
Application of Mind
Application of mind enables you to analyze any situation. It enables you to review your performance even in challenges. In fact, human sufferings imparts great life’s lessons One should be willing to learn these lessons. Knowledge acquired through reading books, attending training programs and interacting others play an important role. One should never be judgmental. However it’s necessary to apply mind and to form opinions about anything that concerns us. This process helps us to become more decisive to pursue our goals.
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You like something, you are attached. You believe a creed you become attached etc. Likewise you become attached to your possessions, your house, your car, and things like that. However attachment does not lead you anywhere. It’s necessary that you identify the reason for attachment and then decide to pull yourself out.
Change is the law of nature. Everything that belongs to this earth must change. And you should accept these changes as a part of life. Therefore, wherever you get attached to, you are likely to be unhappy due to possible loss of the attached thing, person or place. Stop fearing the loss. Some risk is always there in life; no one can avoid all risks. I would go one step further to say that taking some risk is necessary for your growth.
In the circumstance it is best not to be attached to anything. You should be prepared for change as they say change is the only thing which is constant. Except that, everything else changes. And just because we have decided to be happy; we propose to defeat all the enemies of happiness, we must upgrade ourselves. We must not harbor attachment in our mind.
Start loving yourself. Have lot of respect for your person, for your capability and for your skills. This will lead to greater self esteem. This will also motivate to hone your strengths.
Learn to let go of an attachment to feelings. There is no doubt that emotions are powerful. It is difficult to control emotions. But constant efforts to empower your personality will definitely enable you to control the negative feelings.
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Yesterday I had talked about 8 enemies of happiness which resides in human’s body or soul. I had detailed 4 out of these that is anger, fear, jealousy and indecision. If you have contemplated as suggested, am confident that you would have found sufficient relevance of this discussion. Today I shall talk about attachment, hesitation, procrastination and greed. These are also happiness spoilers. Greed if goes unrefined, can cause disaster.
Attachment: Bhagwad Gita advises that any human should not be attached to anything. By attachment I mean you should never have such proximity that separation to that particular object may cause distress. Change is the law of Nature. Everything changes. These changes are bound to bring some objects (including people) close to you and some other away from you. In both situations you have to maintain your poise realizing that this is how life is. It was like this. It is so now. And it will remain the same in all times to come. So for our own happiness we can start practicing non attachment.
Hesitation: Hesitation for anything must be avoided. Your expression is important. If you hesitate to express or to take any action, the opportunity lost will never come back.
Procrastination: It is malady which inflicts some of us. Postponing tasks or decisions do not allow one to grow. Self esteem is lost and guilt inside the mind grows. Therefore it’s best to eradicate the habit of procrastination.
Greed: Greed grows like cancerous cells. Ambition is not greed so therefore both these terms must be understood in their proper perspective. Without ambition you tend not to set your goals and follow them. But greed of any kind mostly takes human to a disasters end. In life, we have example of Hitler. In literature, we have example of Macbeth. The character of Macbeth in Shakespearean play by the same name is nothing but an embodiment of Greed. So banish Greed, altogether!
In my next posting I shall talk about ‘Enemies of Happiness’ outside.
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What is Self Esteem? Self-esteem refers to the person’s self-belief. It embodies how a person rates himself. If you rate yourself high and respect yourself, people will also respect you. At the same time if you are casual about your personality, people will take you for granted. When people take you for granted and do not care for you, you self-esteem suffers further. You start considering that you are insignificant. It is necessary that you have to always ensure that people respect your opinions.
If you do not know about something the best thing is that don’t give your opinion and accept that your knowledge on the subject is not enough to form an opinion. However if you know the subject and have an opinion and your opponent does agree, never argue. The best thing is to say that we agree to disagree. Let the matter rest there.
When you are attending a meeting or a conference, you must participate actively. Remaining a mute listener will affect your self-esteem. Before attending the meeting it is necessary to collect your thoughts on the subject so that you are well equipped to participate. In the meeting you should be an active listener. It is only when you listen to the speakers that you can express your own view.
You should not interrupt somebody’s argument. If you are alert you will find a space where you can intervene and try to express yourself in a fashion that nobody is offended. But the participants genuinely consider your views.
However self-esteem is not only about communication. You taking care of your health, your clothes, the way you carry yourself all are important. In order to make a mark in the society and establish your place it is important to keep you self esteem high.