While talking on the telephone often you ask the listener – “Are you Listening?” If there is no sound of response such as ‘hmm’, ‘yes’, ‘please go ahead’, ‘I understand’, etc. you tend to feel that your words are falling on deaf ears. More so when you are negotiating on the telephone.
But what happens when you talk face to face?
The significance of your words is reduced to just 10 to 15%. ‘How you say it?’ – becomes more important than what you say. Even when you are articulate the efficacy of your words will not go down unless you compliment your words with voice modulation. Modulation is your ability to bring variance in Pace, Pause, Pitch, Emphasis on the keywords and the Tone.
Further, you body language* too is extremely important for making the communication convincing and effective.
Attentive listening to others is the key to build good relations. Listen to others and they will listen to you!
*(facial expression, posture, gestures, eye contact)
Month: February 2013
Ms. Manners
A few years ago I had joined ‘A poetry club’. I fail to remember the club’s name.
A number of persons trying to call themselves Poets! The chief undoubtedly is a poet. His poems constitute a part of the English literature curriculum for students of master of arts degree in English literature. Frankly, I did not read his poems. He recited some of theses from time to time in our poetry meetings
And we had a lady member whose name I would not like to reveal. Let me call her Ms. Manners.
We were at the get-together hosted by a Business Chamber. The Chief Guest was Counsel General from an African country. After the speech of the Chief Guest and a Vote of Thanks, the chamber had arranged cocktails. Guests were enjoying conversations in small groups. I was a part of one such group. Our Ms. Manners was enthusiastically speaking about something to the Deputy Counsel General. He too, was deeply engaged and added a comment here and there. I was a mute spectator because I didn’t understand what they were talking about. The conversation swung from trade to tradition and from African Jungles to Railway Networks. Meanwhile, the Diplomat was approached by another guest. Ms. Manners took me aside and started advising me discretely and confidently. “You must find space and enter the conversion. One should be able to contribute to any topic to make his or her presence felt. Otherwise, you are left alone, you know”, she said. And did I not know!
Ethos, Pathos, Logos : Part II
Yesterday I talked about ‘Ethos’ i.e. your credentials. Today, I’ll explain ‘Pathos’ & ‘Logos’.
‘Pathos’ represents the needs or the expectations of your audience. What does your audience need from you? If your communications satisfies this need, you are a good communicator/speaker.
You must know the audience profile in order to establish their requirements. Age group, Gender, qualification, profession, general likes and dislikes. These all comprise the profile. Having understood the audience, it is easy to frame a suitable talk. When you are communicating to an individual, you have to put yourself in his/her shoes in order to define the needs.
Lastly, it is ‘logos’. ‘Logos’ refers to your ability to be convincing. Your ability to influence people. You can do this with the following in mind.
You must choose your words with discretion.
Use simple language.
Modulate your speech to hold attention of listener/listeners.
Speak to express and not impress.
Develop your own natural style. Don’t copy anyone.
Maintain cordiality.
Jarnail Singh
I met him in the train while travelling from Mumbai to Jallendhar. He boarded the train at Baroda. A thickly built youngman, in early 40’s, he displayed the usual attributes of a Sardarji- Exuding energy, broad smile and an uncanny frankness.
He came to cabin A of the compartment, where I and my wife were sitting, after discussing ‘something’ with the conductor. Till Baroda, we were the only travelers in the cabin meant for 4 passengers. After settling his luggage, he greeted us by mumbling ‘Satsariakaal’ with a broad amiable smile.
Introducing self and my wife, I asked him where he was going and what was his profession. He had been traveling for nearly a ‘fortnight. He met his clients in Southern India and in Gujarat. Now, he was going back to his hometown – Amritsar.
He makes agro net knitting machines. I had never heard of these. Nets made by these machines are used to protect fruits and flowers from the vagaries of weather. Upon further enquiries, he informed that the ultraviolet rays of the sun are controlled by these nets. Temperature is also controlled. It was interesting to know that red nets are used as a protective ceiling for red roses, blackish violet nets for the black grapes which are grown in vineyards of Nasik and Hyderabad. Good interesting knowledge. His clear descriptions were constantly interrupted by the two mobiles, he was carrying.
Mostly, he spoke in Punjabi. His Hindi, too, had the robust Punjabi flavour.
‘O, ji, kii kariya! English phasha bot aukhi ya. Lakh koshish karan naal wi aundi nai’. (What shall we do? In spite of maximum efforts, it is very difficult to learn)
Main ta ji padhiya likhya nai. Ajkal ae mobilan ne kum saukha kar dita ya. Maila shailani appaan chhoti moti English which kar laine yan. Baaki Rab Raakha.
(I am uneducated. Mobile has made life very easy these days. The little knowledge of English language that I have helps me to handle the e-mails that I receive from my factory & clients in different parts of the country Rest comes with the Almighty’s Help.
‘Ethos, Pathos, Logos’
Three simple but rather uncommon words. Three great words not only for the public speakers but for everyone, according to me.
Today, I’ll talk about ‘Ethos’
What is Ethos? It reflects your credentials. I explain to my students like this. “Imagine that you are appointed Ambassador of your country to another state. The first job that you have to do is to present your authorization documents to the head of the state in which you are appointed Ambassador. Likewise, a speaker must present his/her credentials to the audience. The audience must know that you are the right person to speak on the subject. That you not only have the required qualification and knowledge to speak on the subject but also desire and enthusiasm to benefit the audience. This is about public speaking. But everyone is not a public speakers, you might argue.
Just to explain further, I’ll ask you a question. Suppose, you have to make an important phone call. Is it not necessary for the person to know that you are the right person, that you know what you are talking about and you have done your ‘home work’ before lifting the telephone. It’s only about forming a habit. Depending on what you are speaking about and to whom, it may take only a few seconds to reflect and then only you should make the call.
And please don’t forget to remember Aristotle for he was the first to describ these three words ‘Ethos, Pathos, and Logos’ which can bring about a great change in our lives!
‘Pehle Tol Phir Bol’
Elders used to say that simple old ‘sayings’ can guide you to live a successful life. One such saying in Hindi is “Pehle Tol Phir Bol”.
Literal translation in English would be “First weigh then speak”.
Literal English translation is rather awkward and does not convey the intent. “Think before you speak” too, according to me does not carry the same meaning and is rather ineffective. “Before speaking a few words one must consider the effects and their future impact” appears to convey the thought behind the same, though it does not seem to carry conviction.
Why there is so much importance of ‘considering’ or reflecting before speaking? How many of us are really following this simple principle. It is said that the tongue which is the chief organ of speech heals extremely fast. But the wounds that it can create in the mind of the listener sometimes never heal.
Lot of importance is laid, today, on interpersonal skills or the art of relationship building. ‘What you say and how you say it’ is instrumental in improving or spoiling your ‘interpersonal skills’.
Judgemental
I had attended a few lectures of a manager turned ‘swami’. Some treated him as a management consultant others as ‘guru ji’. He enjoyed both his titles. In his lectures, he would emphasis that one should not get involved any an action. He/she should remain as a witness.
‘How can you remain a witness when you are performing the action? What about ‘focus’? How can you improve performance without being focused? These are some of the questions that kept coming to my mind ever since I attended these lectures. His reason that in case you get involved you tend to become judgmental. But it did not really appealed to me ever.
Recently on one of the T.V. channel ‘English Vinglish’ was telecast. The central character Sridevi secretly starts learning English when she had gone to U.S. to attend wedding of her neice. She gives a big surprise to her family members including her husband by delivering a speech in English at the wedding reception. At first hesitatingly but later on with a reasonable confidence. The lasting message of her speech was don’t ever be ‘judgmental’ Earlier; she was slighted due to the lack of ability to speak English. Whenever she had shown desire to learn, her husband had mocked it away. But by learning English during a visit secretly and making an extremely intelligent speech she had proved everyone wrong.
I remembered the swami. His message ‘one should not be judgmental’ was now clear, after watching the movie. But remaining a witness and not getting involved is still a question, unanswered.
“I don’t understand my child. He doesn’t listen to me”
An exasperated parent a lady in her early 40s went to a psychiatrist with a serious complaint about his only child.
‘Doctor, I am extremely upset about my son. I have exhausted all my options, I don’t understand him. He doesn’t listen to me.”
Doctor calmly said, “Say that again please” lady said, I said, I don’t understand my child. He doesn’t listen to me’
Doctor respected, “say that again”.
The lady raising her pitch of the voice said, “How many time you want me to repeat. I said I don’t understand my child. He doesn’t listen to me at all”
Doctor repeated the lady’s words you don’t understand your child. He doesn’t listen to you. Is that your problem madam?
‘Of course yes’ said the lady doctor omitted and said, well if you want to understand your child you must listen to him. Not by shouting at him.
How many times we are in similar situations. We blame others without listening to them.
C.P.U.
Computers must have their own CPUs. The ability to process commands faster depends on the power of the C.P.U. Or the central processing unit windows remain as of now the most used system by ‘Commoners’ geeks, I am told, have better options. As the capacity/ power C.P.U. is increasing in a rapid pace, so is the desire for the makers of ‘programming systems’ to add addition features. These make the system heavy, and may cause the CPU fatigue.
Every individual too, is equipped with a C.P.U. We can add more features to this unique C.P.U. by adding knowledge, and using it. What I call ‘application of mind’. The more you use the more powerful this C.P.U. becomes Instead of becoming heavier, the additional features or the abilities make the system lighter and decisions are made faster.
Equilibrium
as a child I had learned while studying science the importance of ‘equilibrium’. I do not clearly remember its definition. It meant to me the natural ability for a thing to stand up on its own – to maintain its stability. It was taught that if the center of gravity is closer to the ground, it increases the stability of anything in adverse circumstances. Like extreme push or pull, a jump or a fall etc.
Today, I find that equilibrium is equally important for human beings. What is means to me is the ability to retain our feet on the ground. Extreme emotions may tend to shake the feet but adequate control of the mind helps us develop the ability to remain on the ground.
