Category: Personality development

From the quietly confident doctor whose advice we rely on, to the charismatic confidence of an inspiring speaker, self-confident people have qualities that everyone admires.

Self-confidence is extremely important in almost every aspect of our lives, yet so many people struggle to find it. Sadly, this can be a vicious circle: people who lack self-confidence can find it difficult to become successful.

After all, most people are reluctant to back a project that’s being pitched by someone who was nervous, fumbling, and overly apologetic.

On the other hand, you might be persuaded by someone who speaks clearly, who holds his or her head high, who answers questions assuredly, and who readily admits when he or she does not know something.

Confident people inspire confidence in others: their audience, their peers, their bosses, their customers, and their friends. And gaining the confidence of others is one of the key ways in which a self-confident person finds success.

The good news is that self-confidence really can be learned and built on. And, whether you’re working on your own confidence or building the confidence of people around you, it’s well-worth the effort!

What Is Self-Confidence?

Two main things contribute to self-confidence: self-efficacy and self-esteem.

We gain a sense of self-efficacy when we see ourselves (and others similar to ourselves) mastering skills and achieving goals that matter in those skill areas. This is the confidence that, if we learn and work hard in a particular area, we’ll succeed; and it’s this type of confidence that leads people to accept difficult challenges, and persist in the face of setbacks.

Lack of Confidence

First of fall we need to understand the reason for lack of confidence. Lack of confidence is due to a fear of one kind or another (mostly unfounded). As an American wrote, “my life was full of misfortunes which never happened”.

Of course, one need not be reckless. Yet, harboring fear never helps. We need to think rationally and pen down what makes us afraid and why. This process helps remove some of the fear and begins the path of building confidence.

A famous Management Guru one said that there are four ‘C’s which form the foundation of an individual’s growth and a Company’s progress. These four virtues are – Curiosity, Confidence, Courage and Consistency. The most important of these happen to be Confidence. If absence of confidence the other virtues will simply disappear.
It is said that “they conquer who believe they can”. Self-belief is thus the second important factor in building up confidence. Confidence emerging out of self-belief is necessary for any significant achievement. New opportunities always carry some incidence of chance. For taking any initiative you must be prepared to take calculated risk. In fact not taking any risk is the biggest risk of life.

Further, Confidence enables you to trust yourself. And if you don’t trust yourself, nobody else will. No one will feel secure in placing any responsibility on you. That will be the dead end. There is no further growth.

Lost Opportunities

Often we do not see opportunities because we are not interested. On the face of it, lack of desire acts as a strong handicap in our progress and growth. But, Confidence trains our mind to desire what the situation demands. It makes us alert enough to recognize and seize emerging opportunities. With desire created by confidence we look ahead, strive hard and succeed.

Confidence breeds courage

For taking risk of any kind one needs to have courage. If we have confidence; we will be able to rise up to the demands of the situation. So we must go ahead and take calculated risk. Courage enables us to move ahead! Yet, if there is no confidence it will be very difficult to harness courage.

Smile

Most people lack self-confidence. You can help them! Smile. Your smile will reassure them. You will be doing a great job helping them to gain confidence. This is particularly true when somebody is meeting a new group of people. We must also remember that the more we are helping others to gain confidence, the more we enhance our own self-confidence! We help ourselves too!!!

Your confidence depends on how you have been influenced by people around you till now. Be it your parents, your teachers, your friends and others you have been meeting. Some of the influences have created positive impact. ‘Yes, you can do it and you must try’. This motivates you to act even if there is some risk. ‘No, you can’t do it’, ‘it is not for you’ ‘what will others say when you fail’- these are some of the negative thoughts, instilled by people around you, or due to your own brooding. These hold you back.

Faith, Fear and Action are three most important ingredients of your self-confidence. Today, everyone realizes the importance of self-confidence. Your career, your relations with others, your progress in life or even your reputation- all depend on your self- confidence. Your ability to overcome fears and your determination to take action even in adverse circumstances give it a boost. Anyone who wants to grow in life must develop ability to take some risk. Of course, you must not be a dare-devil. No need to deliberately expose yourself to great risk just to show off. Nor is there a need to take risk without thinking about the results. But some calculated risk of taking action to move forward in life is necessary.

Life is not a straight line. Like the waves in the sea, it moves up and down. There is low tide and there is high tide. There could be storms like we have in the ocean. You have to accept the challenge and move forward. Your determined action further enhances your faith and allays your fears. Consider that your body is a ship. And your mind is the captain of your ship. Just as the captain of the ship has to take decisions and take action all the time- 24×7, you must do that too. This will generate the required self-confidence. And, you will start viewing the life differently. It will no longer be a burden that tires you. It will be an interesting journey that will keep you in good cheer.

Some other suggestions to build your confidence and conquer your fears are:

1. Belief in yourself
2. Associate with confidence people
3. Keep motivating yourself by dwelling on positive thoughts
4. Be the master of your ship of life.
5. Never remain idle.

Ways to Improve Confidence

There are two sides to improving confidence. Although the ultimate aim is to feel more confident in yourself and your abilities it is also worth considering how you can appear more confident to other people. The following list has lots of ideas on how to achieve this.

Planning and Preparation

People often feel less confident about new or potentially difficult situations. Perhaps the most important factor in developing confidence is planning and preparing for the unknown.

If you are applying for a new job, for example, it would be a good idea to prepare for the interview. Plan what you would want to say and think about some of the questions that you may be asked.  Practice your answers with friends or colleagues and gain their feedback.

There are many other examples of planning for an interview. Perhaps you should visit the hairdresser before you go. How are you going to travel to the interview and how long will the journey take? What should you wear? Take control of unknown situations the best you can, break down tasks into smaller sub-tasks and plan as many as you can.

In some situations it may be necessary to also have contingency plans – backup plans if your main plan fails. If you had planned to travel to your interview by car but on the morning the car wouldn’t start how would you get there? Being able to react calmly to the unexpected is a sign of confidence.

Learning, Knowledge and Training

Knowing what to expect and how and why things are done will add to your awareness and usually make you feel more prepared and ultimately more confident.

However, learning and gaining knowledge can sometimes make us feel less confident about our abilities to perform roles and tasks, and when this happens we need to combine our knowledge with experience. By doing something we have learned a lot about we put theory to practice which develops confidence and adds to the learning and comprehension.

First-time parents to-be may well feel nervous and less than confident about having a baby. They are likely to buy books or visit websites which can offer advice and dispel some of the mysteries. They are also likely to talk to other parents to gain knowledge and understanding.

In the workplace, training may be provided for staff to teach them how to manage or work with new systems and procedures. During a period of organizational change this is particularly important as many people will naturally resist changes. However if those affected by the changes are given adequate information and training then such resistances can usually be minimized as the staff feel more prepared and therefore more confident with the new system.

Positive Thought

Positive thought can be a very powerful way of improving confidence.

If you believe that you can achieve something then you are likely to work hard to make sure you do if, however, you don’t believe that you can accomplish a task then you are more likely to approach it half-heartedly and therefore be more likely to fail. The trick is convincing yourself that you can do something – with the right help, support, preparedness and knowledge.a BA degree in the US.

There is a lot of information about positive thinking both online and in print. The basic rules of positive thinking are to highlight your strengths and successes and learn from your weaknesses and mistakes. This is a lot easier than it sounds, and we often dwell on things that we are not happy with from our past – making them into bigger issues than they need to be. These negative thoughts can be very damaging to confidence and your ability to achieve goals.

Know your strengths and weaknesses. Write a list of things that you are good at and things that you know need improvement. Discuss your list with friends and family as, inevitably, they will be able to add to the list. Celebrate and develop your strengths and find ways to improve or manage your weaknesses.

We all make mistakes. Don’t think of your mistakes as negatives but rather as learning opportunities.

Accept compliments and compliment yourself. When you receive a compliment from somebody else, thank them and ask for more details; what exactly did they like? Recognize your own achievements and celebrate them by rewarding yourself and telling friends and family about them.

Use criticism as a learning experience. Everybody sees the world differently, from their own perspective, and what works for one person may not work for another. Criticism is just the opinion of somebody else. Be assertive when receiving criticism, don’t reply in a defensive way or let criticism lower your self-esteem. Listen to the criticism and make sure that you understand what is being said so you can use criticism as a way to learn and improve. See our page: Dealing with Criticism for more information.

Try to stay generally cheerful and have a positive outlook on life. Only complain or criticize when necessary and, when you do, do so in a constructive way. Offer others compliments and congratulate them on their successes. You may find our page Offering Constructive Criticism helpful.

Find yourself a confidence role-model.

Ideally this will be someone that you see regularly, a work colleague, a family member or a friend – somebody with a lot of self-confidence who you’d like to mirror. Observe them and notice how they behave when they are being confident. How do they move, how do they speak, what do they say and when? How do they behave when faced with a problem or mistake? How do they interact with other people and how do others react to them?

If possible talk to them to learn more about how they think and what makes them tick.

Speaking to and being around people who are confident will usually help you to feel more confident. Learn from others who are successful in fulfilling the tasks and goals that you wish to achieve – let their confidence rub off on you.

As you become more confident then offer help and advice, become a role-model for somebody less confident.ince Lombardi – Successful American Football coach.

Generally people are attracted to confident people – confidence is one of the main characteristics of charisma. See our page: What is Charisma? for a full explanation.

Experience

As we successfully complete tasks and goals, our confidence that we can complete the same and similar tasks again increases.

A simple example of this is driving a car. Most people who have been driving for some time do so almost automatically – they don’t have to think about which peddle to push or how to handle a junction in the road, they just do it. This contrasts to a learner driver who will probably feel nervous and have to concentrate hard. The learner lacks experience and therefore confidence in their ability to drive.

Gaining experience and taking the first step can, however, be very difficult. Often the thought of starting something new is worse than actually doing it. This is where preparation, learning and thinking positively can help.

Break roles and tasks down into small achievable goals. Make each one of your goals fit SMART criteria. That is to make goals Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timed. Our page Setting Personal Goals explains this in more detail.

Whatever you do, aim to become as good as you can. The better you are at doing something the more confident you become.

Be Assertive

Being assertive means standing up for what you believe in and sticking to your principles.

Being assertive also means that you can change your mind if you believe it is the right thing to do, not because you are under pressure from somebody else.

Assertiveness, confidence and self-esteem are all very closely linked – usually people become naturally more assertive as they develop their confidence.

See our Assertiveness section and Assertiveness Techniques page for more information.

Keep Calm

There is usually a correlation between confidence and calmness.

If you feel confident about a task then you will likely feel calm about doing it. When you feel less confident you are more likely to be stressed or nervous.

Trying to remain calm, even when you’re under stress and pressure, will tend to make you feel more confident.

To do this it is useful to learn how to relax. Learn at least one relaxation technique that works for you and that you can use if you’re feeling stressed. This may be as simple as taking some deliberate deep breaths both in and out. For more ideas see our page, Relaxation Techniques.

Avoid Arrogance

Arrogance is detrimental to interpersonal relationships.

As your confidence grows and you become successful, avoid feeling or acting superior to others. Remember – nobody is perfect and there is always more that you can learn. Celebrate your strengths and successes, and recognize your weaknesses and failures. Give others credit for their work – use compliments and praise sincerely. Be courteous and polite, show an interest in what others are doing, ask questions and get involved.

Attitude is everything, for better or worse. The way you perceive and explain the world has a powerful effect on the results you obtain. A negative attitude is almost a guarantee that life will be more difficult and less fulfilling than it should be. Further, a pessimistic outlook will adversely affect your health, relationships, and professional growth. Learn how a negative mindset develops and the steps you can take to transform it.

How Does a Negative Attitude Develop?

It is necessary to identify the negativity in your attitude. What is negative attitude? Negative attitude is when you start focusing on the problems that you might face during your efforts to achieve your goals. It is the lack of hope that things will happen to help you out in your mission. It is the feeling that people will not help you because on earlier occasions you met with rejections. Negative attitude is the lack of your conviction that you can overcome the hurdles that you might face during your journey. In a sense, negative attitude is also a lack of belief in you.

Attitude is your response to a situation, circumstance, person or an object.  But the detailed definition of attitude would be; a predisposition or tendency to respond positively or negatively to a situation, circumstance, person, idea or an object. It influences a person’s choice of action and response to challenges, incentives, rewards etc. These are called stimuli. Stimuli are challenges, incentives and rewards.

Life is a continuous interplay of problems and solutions. Every day comes with some kind of problems small, medium or large. It is our job to find a solution and resolve the same with our required action. Not finding a solution or alternative solutions is the biggest problem which needs to be avoided in any case. “It is said that every challenge offers new opportunities. No doubt it does. Then how is it that we are afraid of challenges. Two reasons. Our negative attitude and lack of courage. Then what should we do? How do we change? How should we develop a positive attitude? Certainly there is no quick fix. But the reward of bringing about this change i.e. from negative attitude to cultivating positive one, very well deserves, the efforts that we have to put in. And what are these efforts? How do we go about it?

Some more symptoms of negative attitude are enumerated below:

1. Laziness: When you think you don’t have the energy to get up and do the work. Sometimes you don’t even think and realize that laziness is simply whiling away the time. It is not even procrastination which will be described separately.
2. Low self-esteem: It is an extremely harmful attribute in your personality. You start thinking that you are good for nothing. You accept the situations in which you are because your self-esteem is so low that you think you can do nothing better.
3. Low productivity: Work has a strange tendency of expanding as per the time available. Even worse is when no time is allotted for the completion of a task. This gives you a feeling of solving certain important problems whereas in fact you are just being satisfied in remaining busy. This approach will never allow you to increase your productivity. For doing more in a given time, you have to stretch yourself. Therefore is it necessary that you allot specific time duration for a task. In the beginning, the allocation may seem difficult, but once you form a habit it will become much easier. Difficult or easy, it is necessary.
4. Lack of initiative: For any significant progress, initiative is necessary. What is initiative? Initiative is your first step for going ahead with a task. When it is something new, you have to creatively think and courageously take the first step, even if there is some risk. No risk is the biggest risk in life. Any significant initiative cannot be taken to move forward without accepting this reality. So don’t be afraid to take initiative.
5. Not listening to understand: In the course of conversations, sometimes we tend to focus so much on what we have to say, that we stop listening to the other person. This is particularly so when the speaker has said something for which we have a ready argument to negate what he has said. Unfortunately, such a habit does not allow us to listen and assimilate what the speaker says after that. Evidently it leads to miscommunication and problems. The solution is first understand and then be understood.
6. Faking: We feel envious of some people who are more successful in the material sense than we think that they deserve. Such a feeling leads us to a myth that it is their style which makes them successful and we try to imitate their conduct. This is a extremely bad situation. We lose belief in ourselves, and how can we expect that others will believe us.
7. Not trying to express: When we have certain ideas, but either we do not want to express, or we are afraid to express, is also indicative of our negative attitude. It is necessary to develop an ability to express without hesitation. The fear of rejection which takes away your ability to act is one of the serious handicaps.
8. Not learning lessons from mistakes: There is no one who does not commit mistakes. Whenever we undertake something new, mistakes may happen. This is normal. However, repeating the same mistake again and again, is neither normal, nor should be acceptable. Thus we must learn lessons from our past mistakes and use these lessons to direct our future efforts.
9. Ego: Ego happens to be another aspect of personality which does not allow us to grow. Ego comes in the way of our approaching people to help us. It makes us believe that it is below our dignity to seek help. A success Guru had said that there are eleven principles of achieving success. And what are these eleven principles? These are, ask, ask, ask…. (Eleven times).
10. Jealousy: Jealousy is a negative emotion which keeps sapping our creative energies. We gain nothing in the process. It makes us feel as victims of fate or poor destiny. Jealousy may even take away our sound sleep. The worst part is that sometimes it cannot be contained, it goes on swelling. Jealousy must be thwarted out of the personality.
11. Avoiding hard work: There is only one way to success, and that is the hard way. If we habitually seek short cuts it will be very difficult for us to work hard. What is working hard? When you are fully devoted to completing the job and you forget even your surroundings, you continue to work even when you are tired because you want to complete. That aspect of work may be termed as hard work. Initially it may be very difficult, but then one can form a habit. For any significant progress, hard work is necessary.

Chisel this change with following measures:

Look for rose flower not the thorns. No doubt the rose plant is full of thorns. If you are afraid about the thorns you may never reach the rose. So focus only on the rose. Be careful about the thorns and get the rose. Rose is your reward. In fact that’s what you want- the rose. But the plant is full of problems. These are challenges. Don’t be scared about challenges and with careful efforts you will surely secure your results.

Procrastination is the bane of life. It doesn’t allow you to go ahead and take action. Procrastination pushes you into laziness and a maze of indecisive thinking. It is the worst enemy of positive attitude. So defeat it. Always believe in ‘doing it now!”

Anyone has the strengths and weaknesses. Rely on your strengths. Leverage these for productive work. Leverage these for overcoming your weaknesses. Identify the weaknesses and do all what it takes to overcome these. It will raise your self-esteem. It will develop your positive attitude.

Banish these four negative emotions that ruin your efforts to develop a positive attitude. These are: Indecision, Suspicious, Greed and Credulity. Actually each one of these emotions becomes the reason for tragedy of Shakespearean Heroes as under.

Hamlet was indecisive.

Othello was an embodiment or suspicious.

Macbeth moves to the tragic end because of unending Greed.

King Lear suffered because of credulity. Being credulity leads to people hoodwinking you. This leads to disillusionment & suffering. In turn, it makes you a negative thinker.

Breed Positive Assumptions about people and about situations. Often times, we do not reach out to people for help because we are afraid of rejection. Never be afraid of rejection. Even if it happens, take it in its stride. Often, you will be surprised that those very people regarding whom you harbored negative assumptions are happy to help you. I read a book which in the preface talked about success- Eleven important principles of success and what are these?                                                                                                                                                                                       Ask, Ask, Ask………..11 times.

Marry the spouse whom you love. Otherwise start loving earnestly whom you marry. Our likes and dislikes are not writings on the wall. They keep on changing like anything else. So you can start loving your job and you must. It will make your attitude positive.

Last but not the least. Avoid negative influences. Don’t have company of negative people, don’t read negative literature and don’t watch negative movies. All pleasure seekers end in pain. Those who lure you to undesirable stuff don’t deserve your attention or regard.

In the age of Information Technology and extensive use of computers, one way consider the human brain as a unique operating system capable of producing excellent solutions to all your problems all that you have to do is to keep on updating the system i.e. your brain with the lessons life teaches from day-to-day because
You come to this world with the balance sheet of the previous birth. A programmed of possibilities you call it ‘Samskara’.
You study the features of the program or you don’t.
You learn to use it or you don’t.
You strive to enhance it to bring out the newer better utilities or you don’t.
You are places in certain circumstances: you have a duty to perform. You carry out your duty or you don’t.
You crave out a life for yourself or you don’t.
If you decide your profession you define your duties, or you don’t. Own turn.  Even then, either you define your duties, or you don’t.
Whichever way you define your own duty, you perform your duty or you don’t.
If you perform your duty, utilize fully your operating systems inbuilt software – your ‘Sanskara’, keep on enhancing it, bringing out new, better versions and keep on utilizing your own operating systems; you are a yogi. Or the great Bill.
The important message is to keep on updating your wisdom the human ‘operating system’ for better decisions. And also to take good care of your thoughts because they have an important bearing on your life.
Think big, and think great School your thoughts, it is never late.
Thoughts are like the Seeds in earth; these condition the fruits before their birth. Good thoughts Make your decisions good Bring out the best as they should.
Thoughts of jealousy, malice and similar kind enter your mind, make you mad, and blind!
While your thoughts and a constant desire to develop a positive attitude will take care of your mental health, it is equally necessary if not more, to take good care of your body your physical health. A software engineer ensures that his computer is not only updated with latest technology in the field off his operation but also is free from any viruses and is technically sound. Likewise to get the best out of human life, it is essential to maintain excellent health both physical and mental. Human body is much more than a machine. So it requires much greater care as it is…
A unique body with priceless mind comprises Creator’s greatest gift to mankind in calculate good health Not for body alone
Money mends many things can surely contribute to good health money for its own sake is a wasteful wealth.
Your good health alone can give you a store house of energy that you always need. Besides, one must understand that to lead a meaningful and healthy life, abundant energy is a pre-requisite.
Energy is a life force your activity’s chief resources mind gives you direction Energy helps implementation action choose appropriate combination of the two according to your profession whatever you do
A rigorous regime need not be imposed regulate thought process. Devoid of stress get abundant energy, and be composed.
With a sound mind, a healthy body and a wonderful storehouse of energy good decision come easy. And you know.
When to act or to desist it’s a quality essential top on the list of people desiring success and they persist pursuing their goals with decision fast there’s little doubt that their success will last
Whenever you have decided to launch an important project some opposition from known or unknown quarters can always come. Often opposition comes from close quarters. Colleagues, friends and even relatives may criticize only for the sake of criticism. There may even be some latent motive. So be prepared and have conviction in what you do.
When you are convinced what you say is right when no other alternative is within your sight and for your right you are prepared to fight your conviction you let speak even strong opponent will act weak
There is so much in life and so much to do. However for anything new even within your existing project you must get used to taking initiative. Besides having ample initiative gives such a great confidence and makes every day more interesting. Pray to your God the Almighty, the way you visualize him saying.
Grant me an unending initiative to further my tasks and be creative indecision clarity may rule throughout
Risks may not, my mind, shatter completing tasks be my only matter Flexibility when required let always come so that my day’s battles are won
Rigidity of ideas must be never display democratic openness must come to play your grace may always shine brighter making me your devotee, a downright fighter
Whatever you my do, doing it well is of utmost importance for…
Aspiration to know even more, delving deep into matter core availing fully faculties of the mind Virtue this is, of a splendid kind let your imagination fly free awakening creativity to a finer degree pondering on the problem in hand solutions come with a magic wand
If you try to pay less heed searching shortcuts to successes you tend to loose you aim and enter another futile game virtue tells not of easy means strengthens your will; goals are easier seen.
Hindu philosophy suggests that life is a continues battle where we have to fight out against the implementing hurdles, difficulties created by others etc. if life is a battle ground, be always prepared to fight your battle well.
Most humans are fond of celebrating their victories without fighting their battles.
Don’t announce your victory without fighting the battle don’t celebrate the success don’t let reason rattle. Success does not always, come with effortless ease, as though you are the only person for her, to please. Hold yourself and give, your own mind, time to think nothing worthwhile is achieved in a fleeting moment, the time, it takes to blink.
Most off the conscious times, you are at your work. So if you can be happy while working you really feel that life worth living.
By following these simple hints and practices, you are well on your way to create a positive attitude and you must.
Row the boat of ‘duty’ sail safely across a sea. Search through your mind what your duty can be. Never is there a situation nor any circumstance that could ever effect your intention of duty; you want to perform.
Hindrances, hurdles even hurricane may hurt or shake your resolve. With devotion to your duty; Grater courage will evolve. Duty first, always in mind greater joy; you will never find.
Unfortunately, sometimes we develop a tendency to complain and even so bitterly about the fallacies that we come across in the system, in the organization we work or among the people we interact with.
But one must move on with life without complaining.
Why should you? Always make a fuss living in your static world rather catch life’s vibrant bus life moves on and so must you time will not wait whatever you may do!