Six SECRETS of Language which can make your SPEECH Exceptional

Public speaking has become  more important today than it was at anytime earlier. While the content is the king, speaker has to be choosy about the language. We find that language used by some of the speakers is so compelling that listeners are highly influenced. I am detailing below 6 language techniques which make the speech highly effective: 


1. Using clear spoken language: Spoken language is not the same as written language. Its sentences have to be short. The long sentences may work well in the written essay but in speech short sentences are better. Further, concrete words should be used rather than the abstract ones. Verbosity needs to be avoided, totally. Above all, greater use of restatement is recommended. But the same should not be repetition the words which you have already used.

2. Concrete language: The language when the listener can create images in his mind. e. g. we say “the legs of speaker were shaking and repetitively he was wiping perspiration on his face.” The above statement is far more effective than saying that the speaker was extremely nervous and did not know how to proceed with a speech.


3. Specific words: It’s better to use specific words rather than generic. e. g. when we say a president of a company it is specific but if we just say manager though president is also a manager, but it is not specific. Manager is more specific than saying an administrator. Indeed, the manager is also an administrator.


4. Figures of speech: Use of any figure of speech makes the speech very interesting. There are number of elements which when used with discretion dramatically improves the quality of the speech. Figures of speech are:
i) Metaphor: metaphor is application of a name or description to something to which it is not literary related. For example, one may say, “life a camera. Just focus on what is important and capture the good times. Develop from the negative and if things don’t work take another shot.” Another example would be- so often we become so focused on the finish line that we fail to enjoy the journey. Such metaphors used appropriately are highly appreciated.

ii) Hyperbole: when we exaggerate anything for emphasis that would be known as hyperbole. The following are the examples of hyperbole in views.

  •  An obvious and purposeful statement of exaggeration used for emphasis, dramatic effect, and to make a clear poem.
  • How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
  • “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”
  • iii) Personification: The attribution of human character to animals/inanimate objects or abstract notions is known as personification. Examples:
  • Time leaps forward
  • The starts winked at me
  • The Sun smiled on the city as a new day began.
  • The piercing look almost broke the glass

5. Art of restatement: The restatement is an extremely effective way of putting across your point. However, it is important that you should not use the same words or the same sentence again and again. Use language which expresses the same idea but in different words. Imagination and application of mind will do the trick.

6. Creating emphasis: The speaker may use contras. Rhetorical questions can be asked to create a dramatic effect on the listeners. Contras are when you talk of totally opposite things together. Likewise rhetorical questions are such, which leave the audience aghast.
One of the most popular speeches of 20th century is ‘I have a dream’ by Martin Luther King. In this speech, he uses all types of figures of speech. In fact only their adept use has made the speech so popular, and so effective.  

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Problem Solving Ability

There are many qualities that a Manager in today’s competitive environment must have. But the most important quality of Leadership that he/she must possess is problem solving ability. The leader must never practice “shoot the messenger of bad news”. Unfortunately many do. 

For a true leader anyone who brings a problem should be a ‘welcome guest’.

Problems abound in any organization. These may be small ones or big disasters. Simple to solve with a little attention or gigantic which may scare anyone. The biggest difficulty happens to be the wish to put the problem under the carpet so that it is not visible. This emerges out of fear – that I may be blamed. But like any other evil, the small problems may sooner or later become massive in size. At that time solutions become difficult though critical. Maybe for the very existence.

So the manager must identify precisely the nature of the problem and define it as clearly as possible. Remain calm. Maintain poise. And take all the necessary action to solve it. What are the qualities necessary for honing this essential skill? Not one, but many! These are listed below:

1. A near perfect Management Information System: Near perfect because perfection is never achieved. It’s important to keep on improving. It’s important to follow the excellence which you can always pursue. But wait until perfection because perfection is a mirage for humans. Only nature is perfect.

2. A passionate belief in the purpose. You must have a strong purpose. You must not underestimate the importance of the job at hand. Unless you do your best in solving problems with a strong passion you cannot master this unique but essential skill.

3. Solving a problem is a process which requires patient application of mind.  Patience and imagination of the two necessary keys for the person wants to excel in the art of problem solving. You need to enjoy applying mind and people around you will also do the same. If constant growth is your goal, there could be no easier method than to follow it with patience using your imagination.

4. Dogged persistence: Persistence is the core quality that you must develop. You must understand that if any problem has to be solved, you need to pursue the action towards resolving the same with nothing less than a dogged persistence. Often the problem remains partly sort and emerges the game because of lack of persistent follow-up of the issue. Keep reviewing but never ever give up!

5. c: One must be open towards learning throughout one’s life.  Often your ego comes in the way of your learning. You start thinking that this is something with that you have been doing and you know it very well. You take things easy considering that you have full knowledge about the subject. In fact, no one ever knows enough. There is always a lot to learn from your own experience and that of others, from books or from any other source.

6. Look at your problem from different angles. Just as a photographer tries to portray the object from different angles, bringing out the life in the subject; likewise when you view the problem from different angles you will be able to chart out alternative solutions. You need to have an eye for detail so that you do not overlook anything. If nothing escapes your eyes and you are willing to spend time in exploring be alternatives you are hitting in the bull’s-eye.

7. The next step is to identify the most suitable solution to the problem. After you have worked out multiple solutions it becomes time to find out which ever is the best. This exercise also requires close watch, patience, open mind, openness to criticism and collaboration with the people who know the subject. Selection of the ideal solution is critical . It’s importance should never be undermined

A Manager can perfect the essential skill of problem solving by developing the above qualities with day to day practice sincerely and consistently.

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Sadness and anguish generate STRESS ; Seven Secret Techniques to come out of Deep STRESS,

Often, we find that we become sad due to some small reason. It could be anything which happened not as we had visualized. It could be erroneous behavior of somebody we relied on and things like that. But sadness never helps us. It further aggravates the problem. We lose time. We lose energy too. When we are sad, we do not feel like doing something which will be self satisfying. In fact we would not like to work on any project where application of mind and some physical efforts are required. So what should we do? In any case we should try to conquer the malady and come out of it. But how can we do that? I am giving below some such actions which have proved to be very useful if you suffer from the state of sadness.

1. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is focusing on the present. When we are sad and when we know that sadness is not going to help we should encourage ourselves to do something creative. No doubt mindfulness is difficult. But with practice it can become a matter of habit. It will have multiple advantages. You become a better manager of time. You will understand that sadness is sheer wastage of time which can be better utilized by doing something which you love. Time is better utilized in doing something creative.

2. Learn to forgive others and also yourself.

Oftentimes, it is observed that primary reason of becoming sad is our observation  that we have not lived up to the demand of the situation and/or occasion. We have not carried out our duty the way it should have been done. Thus we tend to become sad because of our own mistakes. At such times, you need to realize that it is not abnormal. People at all levels make mistakes. Try to think if you have met anybody who doesn’t make mistakes; you will find none. Thus, there is no reason to be upset with you. Forgive yourself and move on. Sadness can also occur when we are betrayed by some of colleague, family member, social associate etc. But in reality people are always more concerned with their own interest. Therefore it is not something uncommon when there is a clash of interest they will not bother about our expectation from them even if they had promised to do. But, as you must forgive yourself,  you need to forgive them as well. This will surely bring peace.

3. Start doing some exercise.

Exercise takes away your attention away from the current sadness. You start to focus on doing something which requires energy as well as application of mind. Survey reveals that this type of distraction is very valuable to conquer sadness. You don’t have to run a marathon. You can simply go for a walk but in a lively place. If you are a member of a club and it is within your reach then go to the club and enjoy the company of your friends or even other people who are not very close to you. It will change your mood. The change in atmosphere will also help.

4. Ward of negative self talk

It has been observed that when you are sad you start thinking of the past when you were in similar state. This has, unfortunately, a snowballing effect. You must remind yourself that you have to deliberately come out of undesirable state. It is your interest not to remain in that state. It will definitely require your initiative determination and action. Not easy! But with practice it becomes achievable.

5. Company of happy people

It’s a good habit to remain in the company of happy people. You should choose your friends. You can surely avoid company of people who are themselves morose, who are feeling that they are undergoing some kind of depression. Such people will only aggravate the problem. Even if you are doing good some problems are bound to be there. In company of positive people, you look at the situation as a part of life. You will not see your problems in the magnifying glass. Thus, it’s best to be in company of happy people. Besides, when you are in the state of sadness, try to find someone to whom you can talk and who generally makes you feel happy. If it is not possible to reach out to them, just talk to them over the phone but come out of your state of sadness.

6.  Use distraction

If there is something that you have been postponing, think of that and start working on the same. Let it a kind of useful distraction. You can even start playing with your pet if you have one. You may read a book that you have been wanting to read. Do anything that will take you away from the current state. But somehow you have to try your best to change. Or just go out and do something, some work of yours which is either pending or which can resolved with some effort.

6. Shift to a well lighted, lively place

It is been observed that if you tend to stay in a place which is not well lighted you remain sad. If you are sitting in your own room and you find it boring, because you have not brought about any change, its better to find some lively well lighted place. Go there in any which way particularly when you’re not in a happy mood.

Listen to live music

If you’re fond of music then try to pick up some nice happy songs which you have been enjoying in the past. It will renew your happy memories. Music is a wonderful tool for changing your mood and making you at peace with yourself. If at all music does not interest you, which is very unlikely, then you can start working on any of your favorite hobby. Spend some time on it so that you don’t keep on brooding over things which have brought about state of sadness.
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Personal Productivity

A day well-spent is a day cherished. We always find some days in our life where we achieve much more; all that has been planned is easily taken care of. At the end of such a day, we actually feel refreshed. There is no sign of the fatigue that bogs us down on days where nothing much has been achieved. So what causes this seemingly strange paradox? The answer lies in our personal productivity. 

Personal productivity is the output an individual can achieve given the time he has and the tasks he is supposed to perform. Personal productivity is very satisfying for the inner consciousness. It is a primary source of self-confidence for an individual and boosts his or her moral and raises the self-esteem. It is  the very foundation of success. An individual who is highly productivity on a day-to-day basis achieves a lot at the end of the week, more in a month, much more in a year and so on. 

So why do people suffer from lack of personal productivity and remain busy in unproductive activities that keep a person occupied and waste his time? There are several reasons for this idle state of mind. These can be summarized as follows: 

1. Lack of Focus: Many people do not proceed with any kind of focus or direction. Without any clarity on what is to be achieved; such people waste away their time waiting for things to happen rather than making them possible. 

Improving personal efficiency, Personal Efficiency, Personal Productivity

  2. No personal goals: Every individual must have personal goals. These include family goals, financial goals, spiritual goals, career goals etc. People with no goals often find themselves being self-satisfied with little or no achievements at the end of the day. 

3. Too many distractions: Anyone who wishes to achieve good results must give up this habit of ‘multi-tasking’ or trying to do various things simultaneously. Rather he/she must focus on doing one thing at a time quickly and efficiently before more on to the next thing. 

4. Not preparing a To-do list: People who do not actively plan for the work day – preparing an agenda of things to be carried out during the day handicap themselves by relying completely on their memory and working on an ad-hoc basis. It is always better to have list of things ready before starting work and planning the available time accordingly.

 5. No review: Even the best of plans may not always produce results. What is important is a continuous review of tasks to be achieved. This will enable unfinished tasks of the previous day to be completed on the day. 

6. Staying happy and cheerful: Enthusiasm and confidence go together. People who are generally cheerful energetically move about the days and quite easily accomplish much more than those who remain serious and self-restrained.

In conclusion, whatever we achieve in the long term ultimately is a sum total of all the small actions we take on a day to day basis. In everything we do, we must strive to improve our personal productivity so that we can live fuller, happier, and more accomplished lives.

How to overcome depression?

What is depression? Often, a demanding situation creates a confusion. It causes mental stress, physical stress and also psychological stress. When a person is not able to cope up with the stress created by these difficult situations he or she falls into depression. It is a state when the person the starts feeling that there is no way out for them. Life appears to be difficult and spirit of hopelessness prevails. In such circumstances the person becomes a pessimist and feels that there is no solution to their problems. In such a hopeless situation the victim finds that life is the absolutely meaningless. In extreme cases the victim also thinks of ending the life by committing a suicide.

1. What are the physical symptoms of such a state?

The person does not feel like eating anything. Appetite is totally lost. Even if the victim was fond of eating or a foodie, they will no longer like to eat anything. The interest of food is lost because of the depression.The second indication is that the person keeps on brooding on the same spot again and again. The mind does notwork creatively anymore. Old problems appear to be very large and solutions not to be seen. Even if the victim was fond of music, in the state of depression he or she will not like to listen to music ,State of hopelessness becomes a sea of trouble and it is difficult to come out of it.

2.Once, we understand the state of depression or what is depression, it is necessary to find out the reasons.

Each person may have different reasons. Some of them maybe common but in order to work out the solution, it is necessary to understand the specific reasons which have pushed the victim into depression. For students, it could be classroom difficulties, something that has happened in the school, in the class or among peers. The peer pressure takes its toll and often creates an unwanted and undesirable pressure. Likewise, for an executive, it can be a boardroom pressure. If a person knows something but he is not able to explain for whatever reasons, he comes under pressure. Some people are able to adjust to these situations or to difficult people, while others are not able to do so. Further, pressure can also be caused by inadequate social interaction. If there is not sufficient trust among the spouses and each tries to hide certain things even that can create a pressure.

3.Studies have revealed that US is the most depressed country.

She is followed by Columbia, Ukraine, Netherlands and France. Survey reveals that rich are more depressed than the poor. Events of life are important to create an impact on the psyche of a person. While there are less variations in the life of the poor the same can be alarming among the people who are opulent.Further, depression can also be caused due to some infirmities in the personality. Some people are over emotional. They may also be negative thinkers. The negative attitude of a person surely takes him towards depression. It is necessary, therefore to ensure that the attitude of a person is appropriate to correct the shortcoming.

4. Depression can also be a serious medical problem.

The person who continuously worries also finds the life a burden. His hopes are Diminished. His desire to do something creative dies out. Not able to do anything imaginative, the person feels useless and therefore the depression aggravates.

5. Finally, we must talk about how to come out of depression.

The first important thing is that one must maintain a proper regime of exercise. Exercise helps. Next in importance is sleep.One need to sleep 7 to 8 hours daily. If one does not go to gym or have any kind of rigorous exercise, just a morning walk for about half an hour is also found very useful.It is also necessary to he eat healthy food. Junk food or fried and spicy food create indigestion which in turn reflects in ones energy level. It also reduces mental alertness. The healthy food includes lot of fiber. It is found in fruits and vegetables. One needs to take a lot of salad along with the cereals.

6. Keeping a aloof and being lonely

Can be another cause for depression. Man is a social animal and it is necessary that we should mingle with others. When we interact with others we exchange ideas which makes moments interesting. On the other side if you remain alone, you keep on brooding which does not create any imaginative environment. And finally one can gain strength of character by reading the books of the great leaders. Abraham Lincoln the most respect of U.S president is a great example. He failed in business, public life, lost his beloved in young age ,did become a mental
wreck but came out as a winner due to his resilience and positive altitude. so we must be resilient. These and such other examples are enough to convince us that we ourselves are not too bad. The self esteem which might have gone down returns because there is a ray of hope.
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Happiness is not expensive.

Today, when there is so much of information available on all human emotions and the reasons thereof, no one has any right or reason to be unhappy.
 Actually earlier too, there was never a reason for people to be unhappy. Abraham Lincoln said in the early 19th century that ‘most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.’ However at that time there was no internet, literature was scanty and hardly available. Today, with the internet all the information and the images that one may require to collect about happiness, are easily available.
Vikram a student of 6th standard volunteered to collect the relevant information and the images on ‘how to be happy’. I reproduce the material collected by Vikram in about half an hour. 
When I went through it, I found that anyone who would spend some time to read the knowledge collected by Vikram and see the pictures again collected by him should be never unhappy.
He informed me that he collected the pictures from Google images. Further, he collected the entire written material from Wikipedia. Please spend some time to look at the pictures and also a few minutes on reading the text which he collected from Wikipedia.

A smiling Rebecca L. Felton
Research has produced many different views on causes of happiness, and on factors that correlate with happiness, but no validated method has been found to substantially improve long-term happiness in a meaningful way for most people.


Sonja Lyubomirsky concludes in her book The How of Happiness that 50 percent of a given human’s happiness level is genetically determined (based on twin studies), 10 percent is affected by life circumstances and situation, and a remaining 40 percent of happiness is subject to self-control.


The results of the 75 year Grant study of Harvard undergraduates show a high correlation of loving relationship, especially with parents, with later life wellbeing
Psychologist Martin Seligman asserts that happiness is not solely derived from external, momentary pleasures, and provides the acronym PERMA to summarize Positive Psychology’s correlational findings: humans seem happiest when they have 

1. Pleasure (tasty food, warm baths, etc.), 

2. Engagement (or flow, the absorption of an enjoyed yet challenging activity),


3. Relationships
 (social ties have turned out to be extremely reliable indicator of happiness),

4. Meaning (a perceived quest or belonging to something bigger), and

5. Accomplishments (having realized tangible goals

6. Abraham Harold Maslow, an American professor of psychology, founded humanistic psychology in the 1930s. A visual aid he created to explain his theory, which he called the hierarchy of needs, is a pyramid depicting the levels of human needs, psychological, and physical. When a human being ascends the steps of the pyramid, he reaches self-actualization

7. Beyond the routine of needs fulfillment, Maslow envisioned moments of extraordinary experience, known as peak experiences, profound moments of love, understanding, happiness, or rapture, during which a person feels more whole, alive, self-sufficient, and yet a part of the world. This is similar to the flow concept of Mihály Csíkszentmihályi.

8. Self-determination theory relates intrinsic motivation to three needs: competenceautonomy, and relatedness

HEALTH

1. Richard Davidson‘s 2012 bestseller The Emotional Life of Your Brain argues that positive emotion and happiness benefit your long-term health. From a study conducted in 2005 by Andrew Steptow and Michael Marmot, findings have found that happiness is clearly related to biological markers that play an important role in health.

2. At University College London, Steptow and Marmot collected health and well-being data from 116 men and 100 women. All 216 participants were middle-aged, British civil servants between the ages of 45 and 59. The researchers aimed to analyze whether there was any association between well-being and three biological markers: heart rate, cortisol levels, and plasma fibrinogen levels. Interestingly, the participants who rated themselves the least happy had cortisol levels that were 48% higher than those who rated themselves as the most happy. The least happy subjects also had a large plasma fibrinogen response to two stress-inducing tasks: the Stroop test, and tracing a star seen in a mirror image.

3.In Happy People Live Longer, Frey reports that happy people live 14% longer, increasing longevity 7.5 to 10 years.

4.Steptow and Marmot furthered their studies by using their participants three years later to repeat the physiological measurements. They found that participants who scored high in positive emotion continued to have lower levels of cortisol and fibrinogen, as well as a lower heart rate.

5.Despite a large body of positive psychological research into the relationship between happiness and productivity, happiness at work has traditionally been seen as a potential by-product of positive outcomes at work, rather than a pathway to success in business. However a growing number of scholars, including Boehm and Lyubomirsky, argue that it should be viewed as one of the major sources of positive outcomes in the workplace.

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How to Brighten Your Personality to Realise Your Dreams?

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 Why do you need to set your goals?

  1. Why do you set your goals? Let’s consider this basic question. The simple answer is that you are not happy with your present status and you want to improve. Now let’s consider who is responsible for your present status? Your circumstances, influence of your parents, teachers, friends, relatives, neighbor and all those who have been interacting with you. They have influenced you mind which in turn has influenced your actions and behavior. Over the years you have formed some habits. Triggered by your habits, you continue to do the same things over and over again. Your relationships with others remain the same. Nothing changes. Therefore you don’t own what you want; you don’t garner respect from others. Life is drudgery. Nothing to look forward to. You accept that this reality and you have to live with it. And then, you write down your goals. These could be about health, career, finance, family, hobby and even spirituality.
  2. Once we understand that you background and habits have brought you to a situation which you are not happy with, you need to do whatever it takes to change these influences and most importantly change your habits. You may not be able to change company of everyone around you, but you can choose to divide your time according to your choice.

Implementing Goals Quotes:

  1. People will always have an opinion, but you have to live life the way you want to. It’s very easy to tell others what to do, but difficult to implement it on yourself.
  2. Set some goals. Stay quiet about them. Smash the hell out of them. Clap for your damn self.
  3. Success is steady progress toward one’s personal goals. (Jim Rohn)
  4. You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.
  5. When a planner speaks of implementing goals rationally, he implies that it is possible to demonstrate logically and experimentally the relationship between the proposed means and the ends they are intended to further. (Alan A. Altshuler)
  6. In real life, strategy is actually very straightforward. You pick a general direction and implement like hell. (Jack Welch Winning)
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Self-Belief : What is it ? How to enhance it ?

  • Stop making any excuses for any reason what-so-ever.
  • Do not indulge in any negative thought.
  • Stop thinking that difficulties surround you alone. You do not jump to conclusion and take hasty actions. You express your fears to others without any hesitation, because you keep in mind that everyone has some fears.
  • You stop procrastinating because that is indicative of your lack of confidence.
  • Stop pursing perfection. Perfection is never achieved. It only stops you from moving ahead.

Once you develop self belief and you observe that you confirm to all what has been said above, you will find the following eight advantages coming to you smoothly and seamlessly.

  1. Self-belief enables you to hold strong conviction. All things do not happen the way you have planned or the way you expect. But strong conviction will help you to move ahead without fear of failure.
  2. Self belief also helps you develop optimistic attitude which is necessary today in the wake of fast changing world. Life is becoming extremely competitive. Any opportunity missed once may never come back again. But if you have a negative attitude you will not be able to catch the fleeting possibilities.
  3. Your self-belief also makes you more reliable to others.Thus you tend to build up better relations with others. Your credibility is not question. Since people can trust you they vie for good relations with you. Needless to say that for any significant project you need help from others.
  4. Self-belief also helps you to be focused and self motivated. You no longer take life as it comes. You don’t depend on unknown sources to bring you luck. You carve your own destiny. Self motivation helps you to maintain enthusiasm and interest in life.
  5. Your risk taking ability improves if you start relying on yourself. It is said that there are no gains if there are no risks. Your conviction helps you to take calculated risks in meeting the challenges of life. The tendency to avoid and escape facing challenging situation reduces substantially. You start realizing that difficulties form a necessary part of life.
  6. Further, self-belief enables you to give and receive constructive criticism with an open mind. In the current scenario exchange of ideas and views are extremely important. The autocratic leader is not acceptable any more. So if you want to progress you have to collaborate with others from your own organization or outside outfits.
  7. Self-belief helps you to be more assertive. You start caring for yourself more than pleasing others. Someone said that he doesn’t know any formula of how to succeed. The sure short formula for success has never been discovered. But there is a firm unbeatable formula for failure and that is trying to please everyone. Your self-belief will not allow you to embark on the journey of securing approvals where these are not mandatory.
  8. Last but not the least, you start working on improving your self respect. You realize that if you do not respect yourself, others will follow suit. When you’re in need to raise self esteem, you become more effective and you become more productive. Now, you start managing your time very effectively as any improper or inadequate use of your time will hurt your self-esteem.
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How to boost Personal Productivity?

Personal Productivity and its review constitute are essential ingriedients in the implementation and achievement of personal goals. But what is personal productivity? Does it mean how we manage our time? The answer is yes and no. Yes, time is an important aspect of personal productivity. Rather, it could be so provided your activities are aligned with your goals. And yet it is a lot more. Does it mean one’s achievement towards realization of personal goals? Not just that! Personal goals may change. Personal vision may change. And if one may say so personal mission statement if one ever cares to establish that – that also may change.
When we talk of mission statement or vision or an organization, that hardly ever changes. But when we are talking of an individual, the factors that affect a person’s likes and dislikes, desires, drastically change with changing circumstances, or even without these.
The most important factor for a person’s success is his/her personal productivity. As we growwe realize that it is not just money, not just health, not just family, or your social status, hobbies etc., that bring you happiness, but it is a combination of all these in varying proportions.  So what we need to do is to align all our activities to achieve whatever we want in the aforesaid different fields.
Therefore a daily review of what you do becomes very important. In the highly competitive world we have today, the targets that the organizations set for you are hard ones. These sap your energy and rob you of the power and ability to think what you must do. You only start following sometimes even unachievable targets. In the process, you totally destroy you concept of personal productivity.
Hence, what is really needed is to have the right balance and proper perspective towards life. It is only such a healthy attitude that strikes a right balance between family and friends, home and work, health and money that will lead to a truly happy and successful life.

4 Proven rules to deal with Difficult People

Rule One:

Just think of driving a car. You have to use controls to drive you straight when you are driving. Mainly, you use steering wheel, accelerator & breaks. There are other facilities like horn, signals, rear view mirror etc. When you are dealing with difficult people, you have to follow 3 critical steps. These are: i) stay calm ii) find help and iii) debrief.

  • In heavy traffic you tend to lose your cool. Likewise, with a difficult person you have a tendency to become impatient. Don’t do that. Stay calm.
  • You may try to find help. Someone who you think can guide you or act as a mediator to avoid confrontations.
  • In the complex life today, it’s prudent to have a mentor. A mentor has no conflicting interests with you. All he looks for is helping you. After you have faced the difficult person with whatever results, it is useful to discuss the entire situation with your mentor.

Rule Two:

Don’t treat your opponent as your enemy. Respect his/her dignity and the results will be good. And for that just do the following:

  1. Listen attentively. Let them talk and you should just listen. Often the opponents will not open their cards but when you listen attentively you may be able to discover the hidden agenda which will help you to deal with him/her. Besides, people want to be listened to. They want to talk.
  2. Don’t hurt their dignity. Respect their ego. When you don’t respect you opponent the situation will only go from bad to worse. This needs to be avoided so that there is no escalation of the problem.
  3. Don’t judge people. Try to understand than before forming you opinion about them. When you have already formed an opinion, there are chances that you will not try discovering the hidden need of the opponent. Therefore keep your mind open and do not judge.
  4. When the tempers run high allow opponent to calm down. Your help will soften his stubborn intentions to some extent. Besides, you cannot discuss, much less negotiate, when the tempers run high.

Rule Three:

Respect Nature which has made all human beings individuals. No two people are alike; not in their physical attributes but much less in their mental makeup. Thus, it would be a sheer folly to assume a particular method to deal with one difficult person will also work when we are dealing with another. Just like one size does not fit all, one type of response will not solve problem with another. We need to contemplate solution after clearly understanding the situation and the concerned person.

Rule Four:

Tit for tat was an old school story. Leave it behind. It doesn’t work anymore. Times have changes dramatically and now these are changing faster than ever. So every situation needs a specific strategy suited to the occasion. Don’t return anger with anger. Intimidation is freely used and abused. More importantly if you lose your cool, you will not be able to use tact to your advantage.
Further, you must not try to justify your actions and act defensively. This may only aggravate the problem. Acting defensively will make you weaker. The best strategy is let the opponent puff out their steam. Better sense will prevail sooner than later.
Lastly don’t ever try to win an argument. As they say when you win an argument, you lose a friend.
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11 tearing elements of Negative attitude!

It is necessary to identify the negativity in your attitude. What is negative attitude? Negative attitude is when you start focusing on the problems that you might face during your efforts to achieve your goals. It is the lack of hope that things will happen to help you out in your mission. It is the feeling that people will not help you because on earlier occasions you met with rejections. Negative attitude is the lack of your conviction that you can overcome the hurdles that you might face during your journey. In a sense, negative attitude is also a lack of belief in you. Some more symptoms of negative attitude are enumerated below:

1. Laziness: When you think you don’t have the energy to get up and do the work. Sometimes you don’t even think and realize that laziness is simply whiling away the time. It is not even procrastination which will be described separately.

2. Low self esteem: It is an extremely harmful attribute in your personality. You start thinking that you are good for nothing. You accept the situations in which you are because your self esteem is so low that you think you can do nothing better.

3. Low productivity: Work has a strange tendency of expanding as per the time available. Even worse is when no time is allotted for the completion of a task. This gives you a feeling of solving certain important problems whereas in fact you are just being satisfied in remaining busy. This approach will never allow you to increase your productivity. For doing more in a given time, you have to stretch yourself. Therefore is it necessary that you allot specific time duration for a task. In the beginning, the allocation may seem difficult, but once you form a habit it will become much easier. Difficult or easy, it is necessary.

4. Lack of initiative: For any significant progress, initiative is necessary. What is initiative? Initiative is your first step for going ahead with a task. When it is something new, you have to creatively think and courageously take the first step, even if there is some risk. No risk is the biggest risk in life. Any significant initiative cannot be taken to move forward without accepting this reality. So don’t be afraid to take initiative.


5. Not listening to understand: In the course of conversations, sometimes we tend to focus so much on what we have to say, that we stop listening to the other person. This is particularly so when the speaker has said something for which we have a ready argument to negate what he has said. Unfortunately, such a habit does not allow us to listen and assimilate what the speaker says after that. Evidently it leads to miscommunication and problems. The solution is first understand and then be understood.

6. Faking: We feel envious of some people who are more successful in the material sense than we think that they deserve. Such a feeling leads us to a myth that it is their style which makes them successful and we try to imitate their conduct. This is a extremely bad situation. We lose belief in ourselves, and how can we expect that others will believe us.

7. Not trying to express: When we have certain ideas, but either we do not want to express, or we are afraid to express, is also indicative of our negative attitude. It is necessary to develop an ability to express without hesitation. The fear of rejection which takes away your ability to act is one of the serious handicaps.

8. Not learning lessons from mistakes: There is no one who does not commit mistakes. Whenever we undertake something new, mistakes may happen. This is normal. However, repeating the same mistake again and again, is neither normal, nor should be acceptable. Thus we must learn lessons from our past mistakes and use these lessons to direct our future efforts.   

9. Ego: Ego happens to be another aspect of personality which does not allow us to grow. Ego comes in the way of our approaching people to help us. It makes us believe that it is below our dignity to seek help. A success Guru had said that there are eleven principles of achieving success. And what are these eleven principles? These are, ask, ask, ask….(eleven times).

10. Jealousy: Jealousy is a negative emotion which keeps sapping our creative energies. We gain nothing in the process. It makes us feel as victims of fate or poor destiny. Jealousy may even take away our sound sleep. The worst part is that sometimes it cannot be contained, it goes on swelling. Jealousy must be thwarted out of the personality.

11. Avoiding hard work: There is only one way to success, and that is the hard way. If we habitually seek short cuts it will be very difficult for us to work hard. What is working hard? When you are fully devoted to completing the job and you forget even your surroundings, you continue to work even when you are tired because you want to complete. That aspect of work may be termed as hard work. Initially it may be very difficult, but then one can form a habit. For any significant progress, hard work is necessary.

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Four unbeatable Secrets of a Happy Living!

Life has many facets: habits, aspirations, goals, significance etc. It is rare that there has been an artist who was also a good householder and a progressive human being. When I say a good householder, I mean one who facilitates the family in all respects. He not only provides for them materially but also emotionally. This is so, typical for a family man. But when we talk of an individual who doesn’t have a family, they too will have to find out their goals; what they want to do in life by controlling or changing their habits. In these circumstances it is difficult to imagine an artist who is totally devoted to his/her passion for art putting similar emphasis/importance on all the other aspects of life, as said above.
Therefore I think we must understand and practice the ‘Secrets of Happy Living’.

1. Self–awareness  is “an awareness of one’s own personality or individuality”. It is not to be confused with in the sense of quality. While consciousness is being aware of one’s environment and body and lifestyle , self-awareness is the recognition of that awareness. Self-awareness is how an individual consciously knows and understands their own character , feelings,motives, and  desires. There are two broad categories of self-awareness: internal self awareness and external self-awareness.

Self Awareness an individual needs to be conscious of his own body, state of mind including thoughts, actions, ideas, feeling and interaction with others. Besides, self-awareness has to be a continuous process. It’s only then that you can mound your thoughts, actions and relationship with others. Without doubt, this requires a constant review. The process teaches you how to go about finding solutions to the problems.

2. The second secret is setting priorities. It is not only fixing the priorities but also scheduling them according to their relative importance. We must remember that when we schedule a task and provide a time slot, it is not necessary that time allocated will always be found sufficient. Time management is another important aspect to be reviewed from time to time. The discipline that you require for constant follow up requires a logical approach. It should have nothing to do with the moods of the person. When a particular task is not finished as per schedule you need to provide the next slot and abide by it. This protocol alone can bring about the desired results.

3. The third secret is necessary to develop a keen sense of focus. Some example to illustrate focus:

  • Education is the current focus on public debate.
  • They have narrowed the focus of the investigation, to concentrate on younger adults.
  • What is the focus of your report?
  • The baby had become the focus of all her energies.
  • The focus of the inquiry was on faults in the company’s safety procedures.

To my mind doing only one thing at a time is the best approach. As far as possible there should be no interruption. Equally important is your total mind and soul into what you are doing. One has to start living in the present, moment to moment. Deliberate effort may be required for some time but then it becomes your habit and you start navigating your life as if you are flying an airplane.

4. Lastly, the fourth secret is your speech. It is critically important. Play with voice volume, speed, and tone

The ultimate weapon that the speaker holds is his voice. The degree of volume, the pitch of the voice, the varying tones, and the speech are all those assets which can take your speech to the next level. The pitch of the voice can be used for the exhibition of the authority by scaling it up and down. Furthermore, the higher the voice volume, the more authority it demonstrates. These are minor details but have the potential which can completely change the impact of the speech delivered. Therefore, makes sure you make the most of these degree and variations to attain the most of the benefits associated with it.

Because we have to interact with colleagues, family members and the society at large, we must choose our words and use them effectively. Any wrong choice or casual approach towards this very important aspect of human personality can be disastrous. Speech must always be clear; words should be chosen with discretion and spoken effectively. Speech helps to maintain and improve our relations in any environment.

To conclude I would like to say that a successful life in modern times requires us to know and practice these and any other secret that works for us.


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