Why Ego is the hidden enemy which create serious Handicaps?

Ego’s Eight Obstacles that need to be removed.

Ego is often confused with self respect or confidence. In fact it shouldn’t be. Ego is the worst enemy of the individual’s success. There are many ways in which ego creates handicaps. I am listing below eight of these, the prominent ones.


1. Inability to think objectively.

False ego does not allow you to think objectively. In the world today interaction with others at every stage is critical. In case you are not able to think objectively, invariably, you end up in creating unnecessary differences. When the people argue vehemently and take it personally, ego is the hidden culprit. People are naturally biased, says leadership consultant Brandon Smith, whose professional moniker, “The Workplace Therapist,” reflects his expertise in clinical counseling. 

2. Ego doesn’t allow you to reach out to people for help.

A person suffering from ego often hesitates to reach out to people. Our progress depends on how well others support us. Any handicap or inability to collaborate with others and seek their help becomes an obstacle. The fact that you might not be aware of is that hesitation happens when an unconscious conflict develops!! This means that hesitation is caused by the development of two opposite goals even if one of them was not apparent to you.

Sometimes an unconscious goal can take control over your decisions even if you were not aware of it.


3. You become judgemental and away people around.

A person who is dominated by his/her ego considers ‘own’ opinions as the best. It leads to a tendency of passing judgments even on subjects unknown. The worst comes when you passed judgments on others, their personality, appearance or conduct etc.  judgmental has to do with being overly critical in an unhelpful way, and it is this separate meaning that allows us to get to the heart of the issue. It is when we make judgments in ways that have harmful or negative consequences that we are being judgmental in ways that are best to avoid. 

4. Ego doesn’t allow you to listen to people to understand you listen to them only to reply.

Ego does not allow the person to be a good listener. They start speaking more to impose their presence. As they are judgmental, they are no longer to open others’ say. In, turn it makes them confined to themselves. If you don’t listen to others, it’s not possible to understand them. In such a situation it’s difficult to hold a constructive dialogue.


5. Ego doesn’t allow you to gel with the group. Ego sets you to think ‘I don’t care’. You tend to strongly hold on to your own perception about you. This does not enable you to gel well with others. People avoid your company and you become secluded. A secluded person develops a negative attitude.

6. You start using arrogant language.

Language is the only means of our communication with others, of sharing our thoughts, of learning from others’ experiences. But the egoist in his/her effort to dominate forgets the importance of using appropriate language. Others feel upset though, at times, they may not show it. But they brew ill feelings in their mind.


7. Ego doesn’t permit you to develop good relation with others.

The business today requires not only a good proposal but also ability to build relations. In fact, many companies including banks employ relationship managers. Their job is not sales but just to introduce the organization to the prospective clients. Ego will always come in as a big obstacle in building relations. This is true not only in business but also in social and family environment. Relationships give us several other benefits: our work is more enjoyable when we have good relationships with those around us. Also, people are more likely to go along with changes that we want to implement, and we’re more innovative and creative.


8. You are unable to negotiate under a cordial atmosphere.

A good negotiator prepares him/her well before going to negotiating table. They visualize all possibilities. On one side they prepare their arguments on the other they have to consider the possible arguments of the opposite party. Even if the person prepares very well so far as strategy is concern, ego will not allow having a smooth sailing during negotiations. There can be no successful negotiation in such a case.

Thanks for reading.

How to Change Your Attitude?

Changing attitude is your choice but this choice is critical, because it controls your life.

1. What is Attitude?

Attitude is your response to a situation, circumstance, person or an object.  But the detailed definition of attitude would be; a predisposition or tendency to respond positively or negatively to a situation, circumstance, person, idea or an object. It influences a person’s choice of action and response to challenges, incentives, rewards etc. These are called stimuli. Stimuli are challenges, incentives and rewards. Four major components of attitude are –

  1. Emotions and feelings
  2. Cognitive – belief or opinions held consciously
  3. Inclination for action , spontaneity
  4. Evaluative – positive or negative response to the stimuli

The first 3 components influence or determine the 4th component.
The importance of Attitude can hardly be exaggerated
It controls our lives. This is why it is extremely important. We must also understand the difference between positive and negative attitude. It is important to know what these both can do for us.

2. Importance of Positive Attitude.
Positive attitude brings strength, energy, motivation and initiative.
Person with a positive attitude will ask “How something can be done?”, rather than saying, “It is very difficult. We don’t know whether it can be done or not.”
It gives you power over your circumstances rather than your circumstances having power over you. That’s the power of positive attitude; it gives YOU the power. You control circumstances, rather than circumstances affecting you or your behavior.
It is also an understanding of the fact that nothing can change until you change. Therefore, everything changes once you change. You have to identify what are your habits, what are the things that are holding you back. And you have to overcome those, and to overcome those, you have to change.

3. You can train your mind for The Attitude you choose.
It is necessary to train your mind to see good in everything. To see something positive, so that it encourages you to go ahead in whatever you are trying to do. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. Let’s make it positive.
It will be a good idea, to decide and say it to yourself every morning that you will face everything that comes to you today with a positive attitude. All things about you are important and you should give importance to all those things. Only when you are careful about everything around you, others will give you the respect you deserve.
While positive attitude will help you in every aspect of life, negative mind will never give you a positive life. It will create only negativity. Further, negative thoughts create negative situations.

4. Negative attitude is disastrous.
A bad attitude leads you nowhere. You cannot go very far until you change it. Therefore, if you identify that your attitude needs some enhancement, do it sooner than later. A person with negative attitude sees difficulty in every opportunity. Whereas a positive thinker, sees an opportunity in every difficulty. This is a big difference. How can you change? You have to figure it out for yourself. Because it depends on your habits.
Positive thoughts are good, but they are not enough. They have to be followed with positive feelings and positive actions. Actions are most important. Without actions you cannot have the benefits of positive attitude. Attitude has to be supplemented and supported by respective actions.
The only disability in life is bad attitude. There is no reason why you should live with a disability which is under your control. There are some difficulties we have to live with. But it’s not so with your attitude. Your attitude is something you can change and the best thing is to change it. Whenever you feel pain in your life, think about its full form –
P – Positive
A – Attitude
I – In
N – Negative situation

5. Believe in yourself for positivity.
If you have a tendency to self-doubt it keeps giving more negative energy to feed on. That means you are actually attracting negativity. One American in his grey years said “my life has been full of misfortunes which never took place”.
Another man had said, “I don’t have time to hate people who hate me, because I am too busy loving people who love me”.


Thanks for reading.

4 Main Reasons for Saddening Stress and Why we must have Literary Break!

The mind that is anxious about the future is miserable. There are more things to alarm us than to harm us, and we suffer more often in apprehension than reality.
-Seneca 4 B.C.? 65 A.D.
Anxiety is the worst habit of human personality. In fact one only needs to be concerned about any untoward situation, but that should never lead us to worry about anything that may happen. It is said that the fear of death is worse than death. Often, many fatal mistakes may also be made because of fear of uncertainty.
Anxiety is also called the parent of many sins. In spite of the fact that we all know that negative thinking, worry or anxiety never help, yet we fall prey to these atrocious daemons. In a world where everything is doubtful, and where we may be disappointed, and yet at times be blessed in the very disappointment, why this restless stir and commotion of mind? Can it alter the cause? No. Can it unravel the mystery? No. Can these negative habits resolve any of our woes? No. Then why do we become the cause of our own sufferings?
The reason is not far to seek. The idiotic rat race that we are run like marathon runners is the main culprit.
So we are all stressed. We don’t like anything. Further even we may start thinking that the life doesn’t have any significance and therefore it’s an unnecessary burden.
That makes stress management a critical subject of personal management and business management. Due to the ever pervading stress, we lose touch with literature arts and all other finer things of life which act as the stress busters or which may even change our negative attitude which makes anybody’s life miserable.
Other reasons of stress are as below:
  1. Because of the impossible targets the company you are working for; you are expected to achieve. In turn, you lose perspective and don’t care fore the work life balance. You only slog for achieving your sales or other such performance targets.
  2. Thus the professional, today, has only one goal for which he has to slog day and night and that is keeping the job secure which is necessary to run your family, to make both ends meet somehow.
  3. Due to no break from the rut, efficiency drastically suffers and the pressure on poor man increases. The business owner doesn’t realize this. There is a stark competition out there and the CEO has to produce numbers to satisfy his hungry business owners who are always concerned with the valuation of the company.
  4. After day’s hard work, when he returns home the only entertainment, he turns to is television. Unfortunately instead of receiving any solace, he is bombarded with only negative news. Negative news about rapes, murders, scams, fatal accidents and the like. These are all delivered in high voltage manner where reporters compete with one another to use high pitch mind disturbing voice. After all they only concerned with the TRPs.
With a view to bring some relief to the sad situation of those who suffer from the above ills, I offer a break from the mundane routine. I give below a famous poem of William Wordsworth. The words chosen by the poet create music just as imagery used creates a beautiful enlightening theme. You may enjoy reading it aloud.

I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud
By William Wordsworth
I wandered lonely, as a cloud
That floats on high, o’er vales and hills,
When all at once, I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing, in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the Milky Way,
They stretched, in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I, at a glance,
Tossing their heads, in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not, but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth, the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
Thanks for reading.

7 Gateways to Gloom

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We all want to be happy. Yet, many people in most countries are not happy. A survey of happiness quotient revealed people in these countries are leading stressful life. It is a worthy exercise, therefore, to examine where hides the problem. Which are the gateways of gloom in our lives? I have identified 7 major common causes, which I like to share. Besides, there could be personal reasons but often these common causes pose a major hurdle to happiness. These, 7, are:

  1. Inability to define the significance of life: It’s necessary to understand one. We have to be self-aware. We must have some goals which we should try to achieve. Understanding one’s duty is critical. Besides, it’s good to have one’s own dream. Unless there is a dream, there won’t be any effort to achieve it. The life’s significance lies in consistently reviewing these aspects. Once we do it, we find that life full of meaning and significance.
  1. Poor Health: In the competitive world of today, maintaining good health is not easy. Often there is imbalance between work and family life. In turn, it leads to an unwarranted stress. You start worrying. Unhealthy metal stability leads to poor physical health. There could be many other causes like improper food, lack of exercise, eating too much, or too little, inadequate sleep etc. The importance of maintaining good health by making necessary corrections in our habits should not be undermined.
  1. Negative Attitude: Clinging to the past failures or even happy moments lead to developing a negative attitude. At the same time worrying about the future, instead of planning and acting, contributes to further enhance this malady. Due to small difficulties or challenges, one starts feeling that he/she is not efficient, adding further to the negative attitude. Without doubt, negative attitude of anyone becomes the biggest gateway to gloom.
  1. Inability to take risks: If you don’t take even a calculated risk your success is hampered. As they say: no risk, no gains. This attitude also leads to cowardice. There is nothing to look forward to and life becomes mundane and dull. If you want to be happy, you have to be nimble and vibrant. Don’t hesitate to take calculated risks. Complacency should have no place in life.
  1. Comparison is Odious: Many a time one starts comparing one with others. Initially it may lead to envy. But later it becomes jealousy. Other negative emotions like suspicion and losing faith in God and Justice, reckoning oneself as a victim also creep in. Collectively, these become a cause of constant discontentment which in turn leads to unhappiness. It is necessary to keep these negative emotions out of one’s bound.
  1. Impatience: A man in a hurry (for that matter a woman) invariably feels that they are left behind. Impatience also leads to poor/bad decisions. The results become are annoying. Often times because of impatience we lose opportunities. Realization of the lost opportunity adds to the personal agony. Impatience is more of a habit which is difficult to change, but with consistent efforts, it can be changed. And it should be.
  1. Low self-esteem: If you don’t love yourself, nobody else will. It’s necessary to consider one as a worthy person capable of putting in desired efforts and bringing about good results. Self-esteem is necessary to generate initiative. This can only bring in creativity. This can only enable you to produce innovation- innovative product or service etc.

As said earlier there could be many other reasons for one’s unhappiness. I have detailed above as per my knowledge and experience. Life is a journey. The journey has to be enjoyed. If you feel that after reaching a destination you will be happy, you are following a mirage. It will never happen.
Thanks for reading.

Attitude

AttitudeIsEverything
Life is a continuous interplay of problems and solutions. Every day comes with some kind of problems small, medium or large. It is our job to find a solution and resolve the same with our required action. Not finding a solution or alternative solutions is the biggest problem which needs to be avoided in any case. “It is said that every challenge offers new opportunities. No doubt it does. Then how is it that we are afraid of challenges. Two reasons. Our negative attitude and lack of courage. Then what should we do? How do we change? How should we develop a positive attitude? Certainly there is no quick fix. But the reward of bringing about this change i.e. from negative attitude to cultivating positive one, very well deserves, the efforts that we have to put in. And what are these efforts? How do we go about it? Chisel this change with following measures:

  1. Look for rose flower not the thorns. No doubt the rose plant is full of thorns. If you are afraid about the thorns you may never reach the rose. So focus only on the rose. Be careful about the thorns and get the rose. Rose is your reward. In fact that’s what you want- the rose. But the plant is full of problems. These are challenges. Don’t be scared about challenges and with careful efforts you will surely secure your results.
  2. Procrastination is the bane of life. It doesn’t allow you to go ahead and take action. Procrastination pushes you into laziness and a maze of indecisive thinking. It is the worst enemy of positive attitude. So defeat it. Always believe in ‘doing it now!”
  3. Anyone has the strengths and weaknesses. Rely on your strengths. Leverage these for productive work. Leverage these for overcoming your weaknesses. Identify the weaknesses and do all what it takes to overcome these. It will raise your self-esteem. It will develop your positive attitude.
  4. Banish these four negative emotions that ruin your efforts to develop a positive attitude. These are: Indecision, Suspicious, Greed and Credulity. Actually each one of these emotions becomes the reason for tragedy of Shakespearean Heroes as under.
  1. Hamlet was indecisive.
  2. Othello was an embodiment or suspicious.
  3. Macbeth moves to the tragic end because of unending Greed.
  4. King Lear suffered because of credulity. Being credulity leads to people hoodwinking you. This leads to disillusionment & suffering. In turn, it makes you a negative thinker.
  1. Breed Positive Assumptions about people and about situations. Often times, we do not reach out to people for help because we are afraid of rejection. Never be afraid of rejection. Even if it happens, take it in its stride. Often, you will be surprised that those very people regarding whom you harbored negative assumptions are happy to help you. I read a book which in the preface talked about success- Eleven important principles of success and what are these?                                                                                                                                                                                       Ask, Ask, Ask………..11 times.
  1. Marry the spouse whom you love. Otherwise start loving earnestly whom you marry. Our likes and dislikes are not writings on the wall. They keep on changing like anything else. So you can start loving your job and you must. It will make your attitude positive.
  2. Last but not the least. Avoid negative influences. Don’t have company of negative people, don’t read negative literature and don’t watch negative movies. All pleasure seekers end in pain. Those who lure you to undesirable stuff don’t deserve your attention or regard.

Thanks for reading.