Everyone loves to enjoy
beauty. The beauty of nature is captivating. but, what is beauty when it comes
to human beings? Beauty is not something that comes from physical appearance.
Physical attractiveness are deception; what matters really is the nature of a
person. It is true that beautiful or handsome people are more
appealing. But we can have a reliable relationship and long lasting trust only
on the personalities of people. Physical appearance of a person might fade as
years pass on; but their characters do not. So, we should nit judge anyone or
anything by the appearance. It is a great wisdom to realize that “Beauty Is In the
Eye of The Beholder”
If we all are familiar about the proverb “All
that Glitters is Not Gold”, then we would be aware that we cannot believe
someone by their appearance. When we are in the light of wisdom outer beauty of
a person will not drive us. What makes a person attractive is
the inner beauty.
People with inner beauty are those that love
to make peace with everyone, take care of fellow beings and try to follow the
path of justice.
How many of us remember the significance of physical beauty when we talk about King Maker Kamarajar? (Late Chief Minister Tamil Nadu).
Do we think physical appearance is important even after we hold Sports personalities like Sachin Tendulkar, Mary Kom, Maria Sharapova and many others as our role models? We do not see the appearance of these people to keep them high as our inspiration. Their talents and achievements are incomparable and that is what has made them world famous. If we think they have become famous by their beauty then it is our foolishness
The legends who have lived and made us realize the importances of inner beauty are: Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa. Nelson Mandela is a great man known for his sacrifice Mandela was willing to sacrifice in order bring equality and get equal rights for the Blacks in South Africa. He is definitely a legend with inner beauty. Mahatma Gandhi, who fought till death for Free India is a man of inner beauty. If we learn the sacrifice Mother Teresa made in her life to serve the poor, we will agree that Beauty lies inside not outside.
Only when we know what real beauty is, we will understand what we see in the outside is just a projection. What matters is the character inside. Like how we see a jack-fruit as a hard and rough fruits outside, but a sweet and yummy piece of delight inside, it is true that “Beauty Lies in the Eye of The Beholder”.
Contributed by Pravin More, a student of our Public
Speaking Course.
What is communication?
How can we define it? First of all let’s understand it’s origin and it’s
meaning. Communication is derived from the Latin word “communis” meaning to
share something or hold in common. Communication can be defined in following
ways:
Communication is the
process of exchanging information, ideas, thoughts, speech, signals, writing or
behaviour. First, let’s try to answer the most pertinent management
question. What is important in motivating people, forming a successful team,
getting all your work done? Answer is simple. Successful communication skills!
It demands efforts, it needs motivation. Motivational speaker, Tony Robin
stated that for effective communication we must realise that we are all
different in the way we perceiveg. So we must respect each other’s perspective,
then only we would lead to a successful communication.
Arguing is not
communication. It is noise. But responding without understanding is also not
communication. We all have our own choice to say yes or no. That choice is the
medium of communication. If you express that answer politely then only you can
have an effective communication. “You should know how to present your point in
front of others. There should be no chance of confusion with you.”
Winston Churchill said
“it is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look
forward to the trip”. If you qualify telling even rude words in such a way that
they turn to as good words for the listener than you are the master of
communication. This is how communication impacts the world.
In today’s fast going
world one needs to understand the importance of connecting with others and the
ways to do so. Most of us take the meaning of word communication as verbal
conversation. Does it mean only verbal communication? No, it’s half the
statement. Communication can be verbal, nonverbal or the body language. It
simply states that in today’s world what is said is important but what is not
said is equally important, Even the hidden objective is taken into
consideration. Communication skills are of more importance than anything
else, as it holds the personality of a person. As the old saying says
that there is a large difference in the word ‘having something to say and
having to say something’. They look similar but meaning of both is different.
Content, being the
king in communication, plays a major role in changing the whole personality.
Here again who takes the hold of audience or the listeners? More patient the audience
more is your benefit. But understanding audience is critical. They can
understand even what you have not spoken. You might be thinking what is the
difference? Difference is as clear. The one who understands what you have not
spoken is living in the present. He is there with his mind and soul in what you
are doing. Your communication skills including verbal, nonverbal and your body
language play a vital role here. So if the listener is impressed by your
communication skills then only he will be active in the process and further
interaction or communication is possible.
It’s not one way
process. It is open and two way path. It can be either the speaker affects the
listeners by asking questions, seeing to his body language or understanding
him/her, can be the other way round also. Again a question arises on the
lifestyle which you are living. Are you satisfied with it? Is your
concentration level upto the mark to meet the present day requirement? Or you
are still in some dreams while a lecture or another topic has started?
Today’s requirement
demands near 100% accuracy and concentration for a wonderful and beneficial
communication. The famous Management Consultant, Peter Drucker has stated that
most important thing in communication does, understand what is not said.
Observing this way, you can understand the full concept of what is being
spoken. Hence communication is not defined by its effectiveness but the
response of effectiveness. Audience plays a major role no matter it is one or
many. Until and unless communication serves the purpose of the listeners, it is
of no use. A well said quote will completely set your minds to it.
“Communication is dream more – compare less, listen more – talk less, love more
– argue less, hope more – fear less, relax more – worry less, believe more –
complain less, play more – work less.”
These quotes can be
taken as the steps to a successful communication. Author of the book ‘Seven
Habits of Highly Effective People’, Stephen Covey has well said that often
people have character strength but they lack communication skills. And that
affects the quality of relationships. Generation gap is the best example to
support the above statement.
Communication must not
be complicated. It may not use very extensive vocabulary, it may be as simple
but as clear as possible. If ideas are not drawn into action, they just turn to
be simple paper work. Only with the help of communication skills ideas can turn
the dreams to a reality.
4 Intriguing
Possibilities of Communications
Let’s examine four
possible combinations of speaking & listening. This will enable us to
understand what communication can do to our lives and to our organisations.
Possibility
1.Effective speaking but poor listening. If this is the leader’s
characteristics the results could be as under:
It will increase your
focus. You may have generated good followers & good soldiers. But the
potential leaders will leave. There will be practically no innovation. Stress
level will increase.
Possibility
2.Effective speaking and active listening. That is the perfect combination for
the leader. The focus of the leader and of the organisation will remain in the
forefront. Things will happen fast. Loyalty of employees will increase.
Appreciation of mind and ability to enjoy the work will bring in more
breakthroughs, more innovations. People will collaborate with each other and
also compete with each other. The best will blossom with the leader’s effective
speech and active listening. An atmosphere of sustainable leadership will
prevail.
Possibility 3: Poor
speaking but active listening. It will amount to lack of focus. Also, waste of
time & money. There will be thrust on management by committees. People
might get an impression that anything goes.
Meanwhile active
listening will also result in the positives. The employees will become more
self-expressed. Application of mind by them will increase. There would be
greater innovation.
Possibility 4: Poor
speaking and poor listening. It will be nothing but a slow death of the
enterprise. The death of textile mills in Mumbai & Ahmadabad can be
attributed to this syndrome. Misunderstanding and conflicts will rule.
Opportunities will be missed. There would be high rate of attrition. Isolation
will result in fragmentation, and finally extinction.
Just perusing the
above possibilities would shake our slumber. Importance of communication will
then be fully realised. So, I will deal with both aspect of communication- good
speaking and good listening.
What should one do to
become an excellent Communicator?
First of all it is
necessary to have strong content. Content is the king. Effective communications
take this into account more than any other aspect of management or even life.
Content means domain knowledge. You can’t fool people with shallow thoughts.
Much less you can impress them. Lot of hard work goes into acquiring knowledge.
The biggest problem is seen when you have worthwhile knowledge but you can’t
use into your advantage due to lack of effective speech. Your expression
remains impaired. People would barely know that you are a storehouse of useful
information.
Then what should you
do? Become a good speaker. Practice the art and science of speaking clearly,
confidently and convincingly.
How do you speak
clearly? You must understand that speech in the result of decision to
communicate. You must also understand what goes into making voice and the
speech. The process in simple words is as follows. First of all ‘thinking’
clarifies the idea you want to project to the listener or a group of listeners.
Then brain sends a signal to the lungs and some breath is released. Breath
strikes the vocal cord to produce sound. But the words are created by the
speech organs. So in order to speak clearly, think clearly. Cultivate habit of
deep breathing. It enables to have sufficient breath to support strength of
your voice. This will also enable you to speak longer sentence without
breathing in between. The flow of speech will enable ideas to flow smoothly.
Listening intently is
equally important for good communication
Communication does not
mean only effective speaking. In fact, it is the beginning point. But even more
important is active listening. Active listening will bring about the results
that you are looking for. You communicate with someone or a group of listeners
with an objective. How can you influence others? By listening to them actively
or with your speech. How do you find whether you are a good listener or not? I
give below a checklist which is self- explanatory.
You must always use
this checklist to prepare for any important meeting particularly when you have
to speak to an audience!
1. Don’t think of what
you are going to say next when another person is speaking. Just focus on
understanding and assimilating what he/she has to say.
2. You must listen
with an open mind. Don’t try to relate with your own experience, similar
experience. When someone is relating a story in support of his argument, your
tendency to evaluate should be given a pause. Never be judgmental, as they say.
3. When you are
listening, try to recreate mentally what the other person is saying
objectively.
4. Try to see things
from the speaker’s point of view. Empathise and be compassionate while
listening.
5. Try to uncover the
intent of the speaker. All speakers may not be terse. Their verbosity may
require a little extra effort on your part to understand the intent. Make this
extra effort.
6. Think what results
you can produce through listening rather than speaking. If you want to
influence people, you will be amazed to observe how listening comes in handy
and helpful.
7. Listen a minute
longer than it is comfortable. That extra minute will give you extra input. In
any case, you are having a dialogue for understanding the other’s point of
view.
8. Last but not the
least; you must remember that your words of advice will be seen as unwanted
noise. Never give an advice unless asked for. If you are not convinced and the
solution demands that you must express your views, do that and say we agree to
disagree!
Communications pervade
our lives in more ways than we know.
Right from the time we get up in the morning,
we start communicating. We speak to our people at home. Each word that we speak
has some kind of signification. Either we request for help or we do something
for others at home.
We receive telephonic
calls. Our talk on telephone is either verbose or we are to the point. We
efficacy of our words determine to what extent we can influence the people we
speak to.
If we word to list all
the jobs that we have to do during the day, our productivity will be reflected
in the complication of our tasks. Normally one would not relate productivity
with our speech or with our communication.
If you are a team
leader, you’re expected to motivate your team members to perform certain tasks.
Your success as a leader depends on how successful your team members are in
their performance.
If you are working for
someone, your performance will depend on how best you can assimilate the
instruction. Evidently you may need some clarification on the job assign to you
this will also require you to communicate.
Effective
communication has certain prerequisites. These are:
1. Language: you must
have adequate knowledge of the language. These include grammar a reasonable
vocabulary and ability to make perfect sentences to express exactly what you
want to convey.
2. Body language: If
you are talking in person your body language plays an important role in your
interaction.
3. If you are talking
on the telephone the clarity of your speech and be efficacy of expression will
determine your effectiveness.
4. I f you are
sending a written communication making some request, again the result will
depend on the effectiveness of your letter or Email.
5. If you’re
communicating with a group of friends through social media, the success of your
task will depend on the words that you use while communicating.
6. If you are making a
presentation to a group of people, your objective will be archive partially or
holy depending on your performance during the communication.
7. If you are a
teacher and teach the students. The knowledge that your students may acquire
depending on how effective you are in your expression.
8. If you are an
advocate you will be able to convince the judge about you clients in a since
provided you use the language effectively. Otherwise even your solid evidence
can sometimes be our looked.
9. As a journalist you
are supposed to report the news as it may happen. You are not expected to
include your opinion in your report. But if you don’t have adequate control
over your written or spoken language, you will not be able to remain objective.
10. There is no scope
for any letup or fault by the General or the officer who is leading an
operation.
What has been said
above, when assimilated, will empower you to always use the ‘Double Edged
Sword’ of Communications to make you a winner.
Five types of Negative Emotions which may wreck your Life
First of all, we must understand what are negative emotions. What is the meaning of negative emotion? As human beings we are bound to feel happy or sad with situations or while interacting with people. Impact of such situation or such interaction is emotion. These emotions can be positive or negative. Positive emotions will make us feel happy. Negative emotions on the other side make us feel sad and unhappy. Both these categories of emotions are a part of human life. Both have a role to play. When these are left uncontrolled both these emotions do not help humans. In fact, they tend to add problems in the life which have to be dealt with.
So what should we do?
We must be self-aware and monitor our emotions at all time. What are the examples of negative emotions. Negative emotions are of five types. These are: sadness, anxiety, anger, guilt and shame or embarrassment. Let us examine each of these five types of negative emotions.
Sadness:
This is an emotion which hardly has any positive effect on life. In fact it saps away the time that we lose because of this negative emotion. Except for the fact that we have possibility to contemplate and experience nostalgia, there is no other gain from the emotion of sadness. It reduces energy. It reduces your desire to follow goals. You start feeling that there is no significance of life. If the sadness continues you lose your interest in life.
How to come out of this negative emotion?
The best way is to start doing something interesting. For example if you are fond of painting, start a new picture. If you are fond of singing, start practicing a new song. If you are a health freak, it is time that you start doing some exercise. In short don’t sit and spend away your valuable time in remaining sad.
Anxiety:
Next on the list is Anxiety. Some people may say that anxiety helps you to analyse the situation. It prepares you to meet the challenge ahead. It forces you to do all the preparation that you need to face new situation or a challenge. This is an example of self satisfying assumption. Anxiety will have a negative effect on your brain. Anxiety affects your ability to decide. And it should not be mistaken for need to prepare for meeting any situation. That does not require anxiety. It requires only your decisive thinking and discipline. Anxiety will only causes stress which will affect your productivity. Whenever you are anxious for a particular challenge which has cropped up in your life the best way is to sit down and write what are the possibilities. You have always to make a choice. If you don’t decide even that will add to your anxiety.
Anger:
The third type of negative emotion is Anger. Anger is the negative emotion which can be used to your advantage. But it will happen only if you are keen to use it. Keen to use Anger to motivate you to do something which you have been postponing. Anger also needs to be in control. When in control you can be sure that it will give you greater energy to face the situation which is difficult and which requires all concentrated effort. However if you think that Anger by itself will help you, if you think that it will solve your problem by itself, you are sadly mistaken. Unbridled anger can cause havoc. It will increase your stress and generate further negative emotions like vengeance or enmity and the like. So, you should be cautious that anger should not be allowed to rule over you. You should only think of using the situation or using this powerful emotion for furthering your course. It definitely enhances your motivation. It definitely increases your willpower to resolve the problem. But as I said earlier you must be in control of your anger. You should not allow anger to have control on you.
Guilt:
Fourth type of negative emotion is guilt. It is generated by your inner self. It happens when you feel that you have done something which you ought not to have done. It is indicative of lack of discipline on your part. It is indicative that you are tempted by small things. It is indicative that you have lesser control on yourself. It is indicative of the weakness of one’s character. How can we use this emotion to our advantage? We should remain self-aware and we should think before doing anything. Over the period you have realized that certain things which you did in the past, left the curse the feeling of guilt. It means that if you are shirking away from your responsibilities, you will have the feeling of guilt. So if you question yourself that you must avoid the negative feeling of guilt which will cause a negative effect on my health, on your thinking, on you brain, you may help yourself to avoid such inaction or even action which you feel will cost you dearly.
Shame or Embarrassment:
Last but not the least we should talk about shame or embarrassment. This negative feeling or emotion demolish our self-confidence. It can reduce our self esteem. This may not be entirely due to your character blemishes. It may be due to environment. Oftentimes there are some incidents where your peers or colleagues or others deliberately try to embarrass you. So what should you do? Whenever you are likely to face such a situation you have to prepare yourself. Maybe you remind one previous occasion when some people misbehaved with you. At that time recall what was your conduct. What was your reaction? How did you deal with the situation? Recall, if you had not handled it properly and that became the cause of embarrassment. You can plan out a different response. In any case if you want to avoid embarrassment which is affecting your personality, you have to do some kind of preparation. In life, if you want to be successful, you have to always prepare for challenging situations. Never be shy of preparation. Never think that you can handle anything and everything because of your ego. Ego has absolutely no place in life except when you mean self-confidence when you’re talking about ego
If habits are stepping stones, their choice should be the outcome of reality’s and targets’ cognitive approach. Acharya Rajneesh once proclaimed that “I am less interested in your chain-smoking but more interested in your habit. Any habit that becomes a force, a dominating force over you, is a great sin. One should therefore live more in freedom. One should be able to do things according to the situations but not according to the habits”.
Control Your Thoughts
If you don’t learn to control your thoughts or opinions, you will never learn to control your behaviour and if you don’t learn to control your behavior, you will never be able to build good habits. Habit creates the appearance of justice and progress has no bigger enemy than habit.
Change your thoughts & Actions
If you want to replace the bad habits with the good one, you have to change your actions, thoughts, habits and start doing small things differently every day. Habit change happens when you start with small things. Moreover, if you want to build courage, then simply act courageously. If you do something over and over again, you build a habit. Some people develop the habit of courage whereas some people develop the habit of non-courage.
Don’t Play a Victim
People who consider themselves as a victim will rarely produce positive result. Instead you must utilise the given opportunities and turn out the difficulties into a driving force to make yourself and the world better. Mind control is the result of self-discipline and habit. You either control your mind or the mind controls you. There is no half way compromise.
Be Practical
And at last, you realize that you can’t force loyalty, consistency, or even honesty. You can’t force them to keep their word, or to communicate, or to realize something special is right in front of them. You can’t make someone to put up a fight for your heart or change his/her own ways. Take a step back and reflect if your relationship has turned into battlefield of harsh words, mixed emotions, and constant bickering, you must ask yourself whether it’s worth anymore.
It is estimated that up to 90% of our daily activities are habits. If you want to improve your time management, then you need to improve your habits. Never ever allow ‘waiting’ to become your habit. Be fearless, live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now and if you wait you tend to lose time. You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm. Remember your first duty is to ‘Yourself’ but it doesn’t mean that you have to be selfish. But it is necessary to be strong, capable and competent so that you can help others too.
The act of discovering who we are, will force us to accept that we can move further than we think. Success is nothing but a few simple disciplines, practiced every day, while failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated everyday.
Always be yourself, respect yourself and have faith in yourself. Ensure to make plans and organize your discipline, thoughts, and devote attention to detail for creating something worthwhile but not for criticizing your own self. Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can’t get away with screwing people throughout your whole life. Don’t care about others identity, or what all the problems he/she undergoes around. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.
Motivation is what gets you started, and habit is what keeps you going. It’s quite important to keep moving. There is a powerful driving force inside every human being that once unleashed can make any dream, vision or desire a reality.
Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing. Either way it is all about your choice. So choose the right habits that enrich your lifestyle!!
Thanks for reading.
A few days after he took over as British Prime Minister, Churchill made a brief speech about forming an administration consisting of members from all major parties. This happened on May 13, 1940. These were his words:
“I say to the House as I said to the ministers who have joined this government, I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many months of struggle and suffering.
You ask what is our policy? I say it is to wage war by land, sea and air. War with all our might, and with all the strength God has given us, and to wage war against a monstrous tyranny never surpassed in the dark and lamentable catalogue. This is our policy.
You ask what is our aim? I can answer in one word. It is victory. Victory at all costs: Victory inspite of all terrors, Victory no matter how long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival…..”
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We find today that our leaders don’t hesitate to comment casually on serious subjects. It only shows shallowness and immaturity which percolates downwards to the people at large. Clearly the situation call for positive change!